The Engineer's Lunch Break WritingsThe Official Whigs for Political Office Site

Livin' on the edge!

2008-05-08T12:31:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, I found my paper sitting on the railing edge just as seen in the picture to the side. I took a picture, meaning to post something about it, then forgot. It's been pretty rough here at work and so it must have just slipped my mind. Well, what better way to remind me than to have the paper placed in the same position the following morning (today)?

So I go back to my original question - could this person actually be throwing it and having it land in such bizarre spots? If so, these have been some amazing throws in which my paper is teetering on the edge. But if they're actually placing the paper in these spots, what's up with that? Anyway, here's the grade for both of landings.

Feet from door - ~ 4, maybe?
Direction - 10 o'clock
Overall grade - A+
Comments - Very creative, high degree of difficulty, no bending to pick up the paper. Took me a couple seconds to see it, but not too shabby. A little closer to the door and it would be perfect.

A Television Appearance

2008-04-29T12:47:00.004-04:00

Last night, I noticed a goofy duo who were in the background of an Antiques Roadshow appraisal. It's a difficult search, but I will say to look towards the right side of the background when the camera is not zoomed on the photo or the people. Good luck.

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/roadshow/archive/200704A37.html

Finally, the paper carrier comes through!

2008-04-29T12:32:00.004-04:00

Well, I suppose everybody thought I was through with grading my paper carrier. And I was for a time - all the landings were pretty boring. Some landed pretty far away, but nothing spectacular. That was until today. When I first walked out, I couldn't find my newspaper. I was getting ready to call when I decided to do a little more investigating. I had it in my mind that maybe the newspaper fell to the first floor.

I was close, but if it had just fallen, I'm not sure I would be posting it here. Instead, the newspaper was balancing on the very edge of the second floor "hallway" as it were. In the picture, you can see the stairs on the top right, the railing is all the white on the bottom of the image. And the vertical line cutting across the newspaper is the very edge of the deck. Impressive, no?

Feet from door - ~ 4, maybe?
Direction - 10 o'clock
Overall grade - A
Comments - Very creative, high degree of difficulty - but a slight deduction since I had to get prepped before going outdoors and searching for the paper.

Inquiring minds need to know

2008-04-02T16:47:00.002-04:00

So this Shagg doll can only mean that soon Shagg himself will finally reveal the mystery that all of humanity has been searching for since the beginning of time...or at least since ~13000BC.

Front and Center

2008-04-02T16:39:00.002-04:00

Yesterday was a boring toss, but today was a good paper day, as you can plainly see.

Feet from door - < 1
Direction - front and center!
Overall grade - A-
Comments - Not creative, but at least I didn't have to venture out.

Meet and greet - sorry, no photos available

2008-03-31T12:23:00.002-04:00

This past week, the big deal locally has been Bil - excuse me - Hillary's meet-and-greet at a local family restaurant. It figures the media would go and make a circus out of this. But a few days later, while those who went were still swishing Scope to get rid of the aftertaste, another contender made a visit to a local restaurant.

I decided that I should go to the local KFC to voice my views on things. The first question asked? "Would you like this for here or to go?" Obviously, I said "to go" - To go and clean up Washington! Then I got the hardball - "Would you like a drink with that?" Tricky, admittedly - and most likely a plant from McCain - but with a "No, thank you", I deftly demonstrated my fiscal responsibility and my ability to be civil when faced with such obvious partisanship.

No photos are available, unfortunately, unless anyone has access to the security camera.

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Now playing: Midnight Oil - Beds Are Burning (181.fm - The Eagle (Your Home For REAL Classic Rock!))
via FoxyTunes

My paper carrier appears to have befriended Jose Canseco

2008-03-31T12:08:00.002-04:00

Well, it appears that my paper carrier has decided that there's no point in consistent deliver. After a weekend which included two standard nearby deliveries (one right in front of my door), I wake up to find a 5-foot distance between my door and the paper. It crossed that line that would seem to indicate that the paper belongs to my neighbors and not me. Well, I hope it wasn't because I took it.

I now insist that our congress quit overlooking the obvious and perform 'roid testing on paper carriers nationwide. It could be your paper carrier next. Do you really think you should be walking an extra 5-6 feet to get your paper? It's cold out there!

Feet from door - 5
Direction - ~3 o'clock
Overall grade - D
Comments - Perhaps my paper carrier is on to me?

Click "Newspaper Grading" below to see previous grades.

A turn of events

2008-03-28T12:29:00.002-04:00

As can plainly be seen in the picture, the paper has now migrated closer to my door. I was able to not step a single foot outdoors and simply reach and grab. Good, no?

Unfortunately, with three consecutive days of no bizarre paper landings, it may appear that my concerns for the paper carrier are unwarranted. But I urge you to keep checking in, for you can never been to sure when a nemesis is attempting to lull you into your comfort zone. And when that happens, you can bet that the next place you'll find the paper sitting is on the hood of your car. Or something.

Feet from door - 1
Direction - ~2-3 o'clock
Overall grade - B
Comments - Good spot, but still no creativity. Also, and I know this has nothing to do with the actual paper landing, but I'm tired of seeing the EXACT same ads for every day this week.

Slowly creeping away

2008-03-27T12:22:00.002-04:00

Just when you thought this blog was making a big deal about non-issues, it is now your go-to place for the latest in paper landing information. You can plainly see the photo shows that the paper has landed a little further away - creeping away slowly from my door, perhaps? We'll see tomorrow!

Feet from door - 3
Direction - ~2-3 o'clock
Overall grade - C
Comments - Basically the same comments as yesterday, but I am concerned that the paper will eventually hit the halfway mark between me and the door next to me - and next thing you know, they'll open the door and I'll be in front of it picking up my paper.

Early Morning Adventures

2008-03-26T12:30:00.003-04:00

Lately, it occurred to me that I have kept to myself the bizarre behaviors of the morning paper carrier. Probably because I'm barely awake and only the morning version of me really puts any sort of thought into it. However, a few days ago I decided I would start documenting the final location of my newspaper in the morning.

So to the right, you can see that we have about 2-3 feet to the left of my door. Not too shabby and this is one of the more typical locations for the paper. But I've found my paper on the narrow railing next to my door, leaning against the exterior of the apartment. I've seen it thrown far enough towards another door near me that I wasn't sure if it was actually my paper or not. And sometimes it's laying perfectly in front of my door.

I can hardly believe the guy is tossing the newspaper; the paper on the railing HAD to be intentional. Perhaps before I retrieved the paper, it fell to the apartment below. The resident below me, obviously knowing that I am a newspaper reader (no doubt he hears shouts of "We're paying for WHAT now?!?) decided to place it in that convenient spot for me to reach. Do I believe this? Not in the slightest.

I've seen my paper carrier before. Once. He appeared to be a tired, disheveled teenager just trying to do his job. That's what I thought at the time. But now that I think about it, he was kind of ghostly. Yes, that's it. Now that I look back on the whole thing, it seems like what I beheld was actually an apparition appearing in the form of a tired, disheveled teenager. And now it is playing tricks on my mind. Or worse yet, perhaps I'm like an animal to it. Zoos regularly hide treats for their more intelligent animals in different locations every day in order to prevent them from getting bored - is this what's happening to me?

In any case, I will start grading some of the newspaper landings. If sometime in the future, you just wish to see all the posts regarding newspapers, click here. Below is my first grading.

Feet from door - 2 to 3
Direction - ~2 o'clock
Overall grade - C
Comments - This is the most common throw I see; not too bad, but I don't like setting foot outside my door, so my laziness will result in a drop of one letter grade on this one. The second letter drop is from lack of creativity.

Sometimes justice is a heartbreaker

2008-03-25T17:59:00.002-04:00

Well, I've just been informed by a cold, heartless recording that I will NOT be participating in jury duty. Although the majority of people seem to want to find ways around serving, I didn't want to pass up the experience. Unfortunately, it appears the decision has been made for me. Another time, another time.

Also, I'm trying to figure out what template I want to use...I'm not so sure I'm going to stick with this one (if it doesn't look any different to you, then I guess I switched back).

I am now watching digital television

2008-03-24T12:40:00.003-04:00

Well, that's not to say that I am at this current moment, but I recently became the proud owner of a digital converter box. With no paid supplemental TV, this was a nice little addition for a few extra channels. It'll also be nice when I don't have to toss my TV or start getting extra channels simply because the signals have switched to digital.

Now that being said, I do have some "concerns" about this digital TV in the week and a half I've had with it. For instance:

When the picture goes out, it doesn't just get a little fuzzy. Instead, it pixelizes and becomes incredibly unwatchable.
It can be difficult to adjust the antenna in order to receive stations. Also, the local FOX station has YET to turn digital output to full broadcast power.
Related to the two points above, sometimes just walking in front of my antenna can cause the station to become unwatchable. What will happen when it storms?

Yet there are great advantages to this, too.

Multiple stations! How many chances do I get to watch "This Old House" now? More than necessary, but still good. Though I do think they should run some "Nova" on one of the stations, since I normally miss the Tuesday showing.
Clearer picture - at least when the station is correctly tuned in. The widescreen thing is pretty cool, too.
No more stations gobbling up the bandwidth with wasteful analog signals. Well, I guess that's not happened quite yet, but that's the goal.

Speaking of television, the long-awaited Antiques Roadshow from Louisville will be aired in just over a month. Mark your calendars!

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Now playing: Hollies - Long Cool Woman (In A Black Dress) (181.fm - The Eagle (Your Home For REAL Classic Rock!))
via FoxyTunes

On a recent trip...

2008-02-26T22:33:00.002-05:00

In case you thought that driving at night on some Indiana highway was boring, I think this picture may change your mind. Exciting, no?

Democratic Primaries

2008-02-26T22:04:00.003-05:00

So I wish I had a great image for this, but I don't. Instead, imagine a bunch of hippies sitting around in a circle singing Kumbaya. If they had a contest between them, they can't be as cutthroat in the rules as the Republicans, so as long as you get a reasonable amount of votes in a certain primary, you still get some delegates. Everybody's a winner! Just some more than others.

But the Kumbaya circle is misleading. Really, the concept sounds more nice and friendly, but imagine the acoustic guitarist trying to beat an opponent over the head or the whittler attempting to stab someone else in the back. That is your Democratic primaries.

One of the worst parts of the whole race is an e-mail going around making false claims about one of the participants. Yeah, to the uninformed, it might seem somewhat plausible, but to those in the know, it's an appalling attempt to debase the candidate with baseless claims. I've said it once, but let me repeat again: Hillary Clinton is NOT the queen of the harpies! At least not officially, yet.

Republican Primaries

2008-02-20T22:02:00.006-05:00

Aaron Burr vs. Alexander Hamilton - The inspiration behind Republican primaries?

So in case you haven't noticed, we've been in the middle of the primaries for some time now. And while I've had plenty of interest in these races, I haven't had the time to make fun of - excuse me - evaluate them.
I've decided to start with the Republican races. First of all, McCain appears to have sealed the deal, which seems to be quick to do in the Republican primaries.
Republican primaries are brutal win all or lose completely contests. And in these winner-take-all primaries, losers drop out fast and, eventually, happily endorse the leading candidate.

Or something like that...

(REUTERS/Robert Galbraith)
(Um, that's legal, right?)

Even us Whigs aren't this out there

2008-02-04T17:54:00.001-05:00

Today I was the proud recipient of the mailing you see here. That's right, you're not supposed to believe anything those "liberal rags" or "right-wing mouthpieces" say. Well, while I can deal with a healthy dose of media skepticism, the unwritten implication is that you should believe a random, for profit, mass mailing.

In this particular case, it's about buying a home. In case you were unaware (in that case, you may be going to too may Whig rallies), the housing market is somewhat in a slump and the economy is wheezing and struggling to go on, somewhat like I recall doing during freshman cross-country meets. Anyway, one likely candidate for the current woes seems to be sub-prime lending. This focuses on the "Check Into Cash" of home loans and apparently this risky venture didn't work out so well. Anyway, this mailing assures those with bad (sorry, "less than perfect") credit that you can still get loans.

"And", it continues, 'it's not like another foreclosure is the worst thing that could happen, am I right?"

Christmas at work

2007-12-26T12:36:00.001-05:00

So while others may be enjoying time off for the Christmas season, I find myself here at work. Sure, I may be "accomplishing" stuff, but is that any reason I should have to be here? Well, at least one good thing came of it. I was able to put up the poster I received for Christmas. Could it possible be the best movie since the critically-acclaimed, box-office smash "Over the top"? One can only guess...

Merry Christmas, One and All!

2007-12-21T14:48:00.000-05:00

And remember, the Whigs know whether you're a registered Whig or not, so you better be a registered Whig, for goodness sakes! Or something like that.

In other news, this blog's author submitted his best material for a high-profile comic strip that appears in national newspapers and said material will be used in upcoming strip. More details as they arrive.

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Now playing: Blackmore's Night - Ding Dong Merrily on High (S K Y . F M - The Christmas Channel - A fine collection of Christmas & Holiday music!!)
via FoxyTunes

Over a month later...

2007-12-11T12:35:00.000-05:00

In case you thought that this Whig supporter had gone into hiding due to lack of coverage in the media, well, you're sort of right. First of all, I'm disturbed to announce that this survey does NOT include any of the Whig candidates. Poor souls who take this will end up traumatized when the survey reports back that nobody the media keeps tabs on supports their positions except maybe some beagle from Davenport running as an independent. We here supporting the Whigs are letting it be known that our candidates are the best choice for everyone - although the beagle would be a good choice, as well.

Also, while the rest of the comics on this site are usually pretty lackluster, I find this is one that I truly relate to.

2007-10-30T12:16:00.000-04:00

Ninja Parade Slips Through Town Unnoticed Once Again

As a representative of the Whig Party, I approve this message

This blog - taken too seriously?

2007-10-17T20:51:00.000-04:00

That's the question I pose to the reader today. You can see in this comment section that a newcomer notes that they would (blogger's note: my touchpad is going to be the end of me - I keep touching it on accident and it sends the cursor out to destroy previous work) like the shirts in Florida. Which is fine - great actually. But one problem - after going on some links, it turns out they're the real deal - sort of. Check this out - underneath the map there's a link to this blog. If you are this newcomer, I encourage you to read some more posts. I think you'll see what I mean. For instance:

1) I generally don't air political grievances on this blog except to make fun of the never-ending ineptitude of all politicians. Opinions on this blog do not necessarily coincide with the views of the blogger. Instead, this blogger believes in such "insane" ideas like peaceful diplomacy, fiscal responsibility, ending corruption in Washington, and mining for barium isotopes around quasar GB1508.

2) I can see where maybe I'm so not funny that you think I'm being serious, but I'm sad to say that really is all the humor I can muster.

In short, I think you (the Florida Whig Party person) should reconsider putting my blog on your listing. And I think you (the regulars) should consider purchasing one of the shirts below. More to come soon!

And you (William Henry Harrison) - lookin' good!

New layout

2007-10-10T22:10:00.000-04:00

So in case you haven't noticed, I spruced up the blog a little bit. Maybe it looks a little less professional, but really it's just part of the Whigs message. It's simple yet sophisticated. Also, compare us to this and tell me who's really crazy. Okay, I admit they've got a point with Cascadia, but other than that, they're nutso. And that's the official Whig position.

Anyway, you might notice that I've now got some patriotic bling posted for the occasion. The Whig shirt designs are still in the works, but make no mistake - it'll be the next big thing.

Whig shirts in the works

2007-09-14T12:12:00.000-04:00

So I'm pleased to announce that a PROFESSIONAL graphic designer has been working day and night (well, maybe that's a little bit of an exaggeration) on some Whig shirts. Obviously, this demonstrates the devotion people have to the grand ol' Whig party! Unfortunately, I meant to post this last night along with the .pdf's of the actual designs, but I forgot. They will be posted soon enough, but this just gave me a reason to build up suspense for the shirts.

Also, if you look at the bottom of this post, I have a new Firefox plugin which posts the song I'm currently listening to on Winamp. Awesome, eh?

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Now playing: Grand Funk Railroad - We're An American Band (181.fm - The Eagle (Your Home For REAL Classic Rock!))
via FoxyTunes

Mainstream Media and Censorship

2007-08-27T21:06:00.000-04:00

I thought I would spend one post on a serious topic that needs to be addressed with the media today. Censorship. Have you noticed during these ongoing debates that they aren't just ignoring certain people? That maybe they're missing an entire PARTY?!? No, not the crazies in the Green or Libertarian parties - how about the perfectly sensible people in the Whig Party?

I know I say this every year, but this time I'm really going to try and make Whig shirts to get the message out. I feel the following are good starters:

"Front: The Whig Party. Back: 100 years without a scandal"
"Front: Vote Whig. Your great-great-great-great-great-great grandparents did."

Perhaps word of mouth would help as well. Maybe a fair survey to compare, say, Daniel Boone to current members of congress. I have a suspicion who would come out on top.

Also feel free to let the media outlets know how you feel; tell them William Henry Harrison sent you.

Louisville wrap-up

2007-08-06T12:14:00.000-04:00

In case you were interested in what else we saw while in Louisville, I made a slideshow of it especially for you. If possible, I would have made it one of those great slideshows that they used to show in elementary school. It probably would have gone something like:

"And here we see Vince making a fool of himself with a life size figure of Colonel Sanders - *ding*"

Instead, you'll have to settle for this. (NOTE: Click the "i" image on the page to read my comments)

Antiques Roadshow Part II

2007-07-31T21:29:00.000-04:00

If you remember, we left off with the General Lee plummeting halfway down the ravine. Well, actually, we're going to now show you the camera view which shows the tires hadn't really even left solid ground yet.

Or something like that. Actually, when we got to the second room at the Antiques Roadshow, they took a look at our stuff and told us which section to take our stuff to. My boat was labeled as a "toy", which seemed easy enough. However, the guy then said that taking the cookie jar to "ceramics" would probably take too long, so I should take it instead to "dolls". Oookay, I thought. In any case, we were then led to a rather small circle of blue banners which surrounded the action of the Antiques Roadshow. All the big shots were there, constantly appraising the stream of items which came into their area. I recognized both of the appraisers who eventually appraised my items. I had expected that they were only brought out when someone had something worthwhile, but that was apparently not the case.

First, I should mention that this guy (who was, as expected, wearing his standard Hawaiian shirt) was going crazy with some of the other appraisers just before I was about to get the cookie jar appraised. It appears someone brought something of true merit to the show, but didn't own it. Therefore, she couldn't be on TV with it. Turns out, it was worth $5,000-$10,000. Could I be next I wondered?

In a short answer, NO. As I showed this guy my cookie jar, I could tell I didn't have a winner. He told me that it was made from Japan and maybe worth about $10. Well, it was worth a shot. We then found out that Becky's book was worth more in thought than in actual monetary value. I then went to this guy to get the boat appraised. As I showed him it, I could tell I didn't have a winner again. Once again, it was made in Japan (although it said "Made in USA" - he said, "no way, Jose") . To make matters worse, the paint was chipping off as he was holding it. But he seemed to take an interest in the decal that was on the sides. And then he described how to play with it, and then told me that it was somewhat desirable. And then - $200. That's right. I know it's not the huge find that you probably see every episode on the Antiques Roadshow and I know that it's not even mine to sell, but I was in shock. The way it started, I didn't think it was going to be worth much at all.

So that's my story. I recorded a little session in the "Feedback Booth"; hopefully it makes it to air. If it doesn't, I'll have to describe it one of these days. I also won an Antiques Roadshow shirt which shows the tour dates on the back - it was great. So that's all for Antiques Roadshow.

Antiques Roadshow, Part I

2007-07-30T12:07:00.000-04:00

So this past weekend was the big day for the Antiques Roadshow excursion. I did take the toy boat and cookie jar as my "antiques". As soon as we got inside the building, I couldn't help but notice a line of people that rivaled some of the longer lines I've seen at Cedar Point. It was one big expo room that was filled with people - all in a line. Luckily, we were treated to old episodes of Antiques Roadshow and trivia.

During the wait, people were checking out other peoples' stuff. As I checked out some of the stuff, I realized just how outclassed I was by some of the people. Yet that didn't stop the several people who kept wanting me to open the box to the toy boat to show it off. Not that it was a problem - I had thought that the boat was a little too new and not so impressive. But their reactions were almost always one of being impressed. One lady even said "I'm so happy for you!" This was, of course, before we had gotten any appraising or anything.

In any case, we finally reached the end of the waiting line after they began to start rerunning episodes of Antiques Roadshow that we had seen when we first entered the Expo Center. And now to leave you at a cliffhanger. Will the boat live up to the anonymous lady's hopes? Will the cookie jar be worth more the box I brought it in? Will I make it on TV as more than someone who was "casually" trying to get in the picture of someone else's appraisal while being filmed? You'll find out soon enough...but here a picture to keep the mobs occupied.

At left - The city of Louisville makes fun of their unpronounceable name. I personally opt for the one in orange.

Is it an antique? Part II

2007-07-27T20:04:00.001-04:00

So here are the objects I'm taking to Antiques Roadshow. I don't have high hopes for them, but we'll see. I decided not to look them up on ebay; I'm just hoping for a pleasant surprise.

The first item here is a toy motor boat. I hope they ask me what I know about it. Then I can say "Well, it's well known that in the mid-17th century, famous American Indian Red Cloud was big into boats. And here, as you can plainly see, is a boat." Then I'd stop there and let them respond. I suspect that would be followed by several awkward moments of silence.

The second thing I'm bringing is bluebird cookie jar. It's below this post, in case you're interested. My idea with this, if it doesn't make it on TV, is to go on the feedback booth after the appraisals are done and say that even though it's not worth a lot of money, it's still worth a lot to me. Then I'd open it up and eat a cookie out of it. Ah, that'd be great.

Anyway, I'll report back how everything went. I'll try and get myself behind all the people that are being recorded. Hopefully, they tolerate a lot there.

Is it an antique?

2007-07-05T21:49:00.001-04:00

So I got a hold of this Mary Poppins game while looking for something to take on the Antiques Roadshow. It wasn't incredibly old, but I thought it might go for a little something. However, when I took a little time to find out just what it might be worth, I wasn't impressed with what I had found.

Stay tuned as I continue to search for something that might fetch a little more.

Primary season is a ways off...

2007-07-05T14:58:00.000-04:00

But get practicing now:

I think I should write this off as a business expense

2007-06-25T20:43:00.000-04:00

Several weeks ago, I broke down and bought a digital camera. Honestly, I cannot remember whether I actually posted that information on this blog. If I didn't, you now know. I would like to think that I am now nearly a bonafide (which comes up misspelled in Mozilla, but okay in the dictionary - in other news, "okay" is also coming up misspelled...) reporting photographer.

Because there has always been high demand for news involving strange places to put a basketball hoop, I felt obligated to take a snapshot of a first-hand account with a strangely placed rim. Yep, it is conveniently on the side of a pork vendor's trailer. Or maybe I should say "dangerously". Yes, if you will notice, it is in fact over the door of the trailer.

Lastly, I am still in need of antiques. I have found some stuff, but it has yet to be my own.

Have I got some incredible items for you!

2007-06-20T12:45:00.000-04:00

I may still be looking for antiques, but I no longer need to look anywhere else for zero-volume, one-sided, non-orientable klein bottles! (More information available here). In other news, I believe this post may break records for its links/word ratio.

The Snowman and Me

2007-06-06T21:27:00.001-04:00

This belated picture comes to us courtesy of my personal paparazzi. This may look odd, but only because you don't know the snowman. I can't even explain it here - you've just got to know the snowman.

(brief pause)

What's it like to have a sense of dignity?

Coming Soon - Adventure #232F

2007-06-05T12:22:00.000-04:00

Several weeks ago, while I was in a wild state of mind, I did something a little crazy. Something that most people wouldn't admit to even if they were one of the few who tried it. I threw my hat into...

the "Antiques Roadshow" lottery for a Louisville show. I had done it once before and (of course) didn't make it. However, this time it was different. I received a notice that I would soon receive tickets and gave me information on logistics for items to be appraised.

Now, it should come to no surprise to those who know me that I don't actually have items I can get appraised. Instead, I'll have to go rooting around for anything I can find in the meantime. However, I understand the TI-82's are getting up there in age. If anybody has an ancient Greek artifacts, though, it would probably be better...

SalesGenie.com Super Bowl Commercial

2007-05-27T13:02:00.001-04:00

I can't be positive but this could be the most hilariously moronic commercials on TV now. I've seen it several times in the run-up to the Indy 500.

I think perhaps the most interesting thought is there may be those who watch it and say "Whoa!" They are probably enamored by the "only fools work hard" line. I am enamored by some of the worst acting/dialog I've ever witnessed in a commercial.

To the tree it may concern,

2007-05-24T12:18:00.000-04:00

I would sincerely like to thank you for knocking down a power line yesterday morning. Thanks to you, I was able to enjoy at least a little bit of a fantastic sunny day when I would have been stuck at my computer all day.

...also, upon further thought, sorry about your fall...

Movin' on...Sideways

2007-05-16T12:04:00.000-04:00

Recently, I moved to a new cube at work. I wish I could say I gained 10 extra square feet or now have a finished basement along with it, but no such luck. I did however re-arrange my desk setup, though. In fact, I have yet another drawing of this.

So this is now worth 41 cents?

2007-05-15T22:03:00.001-04:00

Envelope

Recently, I was given the letter at the right from an anonymous tipster. This beauty was received just prior to the new increase in postage. It came just as damaged as you see here.

Now I am one who, frankly, doesn't like to send anything by snail mail anyway, few exceptions aside. I think this just bolsters my unease of using the USPS. Sure, this was just a credit card application, but it could have been anything. It could have been those Christmas cards I really really meant to send this last Christmas but procrastinated until I gave up at Easter. In any case, sending stuff by slow snail mail now costs two cents more; it also takes longer then e-mail and has a possibility (albeit remote) of ending up like what you see here.

To be fair, the USPS sent this heartfelt apology. No word yet on whether that means they will cease to use dogs to sort mail in the mail room.

Now if only the federal government will subsidize this hobby...

2007-05-09T21:48:00.000-04:00

We here at the ELBW (pronounced "Throatwarbler Mangrove") are contemplating the costs of a digital camera. Certainly it wouldn't be used just for silly antics like you've seen in excess here. However, we cannot deny that there could be as much as a three-fold increase in ridiculousness should such a purchase be made.

In lieu of such a purchase, though, we have made breakthroughs in another technology. Using my "scanner" and my penchant for drawing, I now have some images to clearly and succinctly describe situations I had trouble describing earlier.

In an earlier post, you probably couldn't understand just how sweet my parking spot really was. Well, fret no longer, here's a near-verbatim image of what that parking spot was like.

And in case you can't imagine what my workplace is like, especially during the all-important lunch hour, here's proof that I should probably just work through lunch.

Reminder for the Primaries

2007-05-08T12:05:00.000-04:00

This morning, I went to vote for the primaries in my local precinct. I was handed a little slip as I walked in, and it was immediately taken from me. Probably because I was the only one there - I'm not entirely sure why the first lady didn't just hand it off to the other one. I guess they wanted me to touch it, if only for a second, so I can know the feel of democracy.

Well, whatever the reason, I would remind readers to participate in the active primaries of the Whig parties in their area. Be sure that when asked to check "R" or a "D", you tell them that you are a "W". They'll take care of you, trust me.

Ooookay....

2007-04-30T12:32:00.000-04:00

As per normal goofing around on the internet during my lunch break, I took at gander at the Spiderman 3 promo page. In particular, I was wondering if there was anything fun, like the Snakes on a Plane calls that "Samuel L. Jackson" would make to any phone number you had it call.

Instead, I found a (particularly loud) promo without much substance. However, there was a poll that was being taken. I figured it would be about whether you would go to see the movie in the first hour it was out or the second hour. Instead, the question was (and I quote): "Can a man confront the forces of darkness without giving in to them?" Ummmm...what? This is just a movie, right?

I've determined, though, that this question is up for interpretation. For instance, given my interpretation of this, my response would be "Why yes, I can change the station when they start to play a Rush song."

Update to A.P. Day

2007-04-25T12:50:00.000-04:00

I just ate pizza that was given to us here for Administrative Professionals Day. Perhaps this should be a concern...

Administrative Professional's Day

2007-04-24T12:40:00.000-04:00

I'm not sure if anyone still reads this anymore, but I'm willing to take a chance. Tomorrow (Wednesday, April 25 2007) is Administrative Professional's Day, which wikipedia notes is an "unofficial secular holiday" - yet somehow this fake profane day winds up on my calendar!

Ha, just kidding! I appreciate everything these professionals do! Like typing a bunch of stuff and being given the junk that other people don't want to... do...

Okay, I checked my business card and I am NOT an administrative professional.

Some day, she might be viewed in a favorable light

2007-03-21T12:06:00.000-04:00

But not quite yet...

Why I usually skip reading directions...

2007-02-27T12:12:00.000-05:00

I noticed this morning while putting clothes in my dryer that it had recommendations on how to make for the quickest and most efficient drying. Most of it was the usual cleaning out the lint screen and related suggestions, but the last one recommended making sure that your circuit breaker and fuse were operational. I'm surprised they didn't mention that this might decrease drying time by as much as 95%!

Snowed in with DSL

2007-02-13T19:54:00.000-05:00

Starting last Friday, I have been technically online with DSL. I say technically because due to the layout of my apartment, my computer spent a lot of time on the floor next to my dining room table before I got my wireless router up and running.
Anyway, yesterday I went to the grocery store after work. I wasn't sure if the Colts were making an announced visit there or what, but it seemed that there were an unusually large number of people shopping. I forgot, despite all my years as a grocer service technician (or bagger), that people always came in droves at the first sign of snowfall. It seems that this time they actually may not have overreacted.
Now I am in my 8th hour back from an early-dismissed work. A folder that I took back to work on in case I got bored ended up taking a backseat to intense apartment cleaning, cryptoquotes, watching TV, listening to internet radio, taking a nap, and (of course) posting to this blog. It doesn't really look too bad outdoors except the 2' snow drift on my balcony and the memory of almost getting stuck while trying to pull into my apartment.
Okay...I'm bored - but I'm still not going to work on that folder.

Super Monday

2007-02-05T12:28:00.000-05:00

So as expected by many this side of I-65, the Colts went on to win that-big-game-last-night-oh-please-don't-sue-me-NFL (TBGLNOPD'TSMNFL). This, however, was a shock to a very large city on the west side of I-65, who couldn't seem to get over the notion that the Bears could lose a game simply by scoring less points than their opponents. However, I think nobody was shocked that Pepsi didn't return to the "brown and bubbly" campaign initiated last year.

Last night

2007-01-24T12:38:00.000-05:00

So last night, I found myself temporarily in front of the television for the annual state of the union address. And while we didn't get a visit from Oscar the Grouch again, we still had a very interesting situation.

If you remember correctly, this blog had exclusive coverage last year of Nancy Pelosi being pegged with a paper ball by Roy Blunt. With the switch of control of the house this year, Nancy had a chance to strike back.

In a strikingly bipartisan prank, she had arranged for president Bush to declare Missouri should be kicked out of the union. Both sides of the aisle, all but Rep. Blunt in on the joke, stood up and applauded. Blunt, following everyone else's lead, stood up and clapped with them. Everybody then burst into fits of laughter. To which the president said "Whoops...[pauses and looks at notes] caught... someone... not...playi-I mean paying... attention." He then went on to continue his address, starting with the Let's Kick Missouri Out of the Union Initiative.

I should mention that I was really tired during this and couldn't stay awake for the whole thing.

State of the Blog Address

2007-01-24T11:53:00.000-05:00

I would first like to mention that the blog is in the finest shape it has ever been.

[applause]

But posting hasn't been easy. That is why the readers of this blog on both sides of the aisle, those who think this blog is the greatest thing ever and those who are petitioning the government to shut it down, need to come together in a bi-opinionated way. Those with views other than the two polarized ones mentioned needn't apply!

[applause]

This blog has become too dependent on me for posting. That is why we need to start an initiative to diversify the sources of posting. By 2017, I hope to reduce postings by myself by 20%

[grand applause]

Thank you, one and all.

Bowling and Miniature Golf

2007-01-17T12:21:00.000-05:00

So this past weekend, I made a visit to a new entertainment place. I would have called it a bowling alley, but if you have to walk a little ways before you see the lanes, it's no longer a bowling alley. Before you get there, you're immersed in all sorts of kiddie fun - from a multi-tiered ball pit to an arcade to a lounge and bar. There was also indoor miniature golf, which I wouldn't consider kiddie fun because that's what I ended up doing.

In any case, I'm about to do something to this post that I've never done before - give it a label it truly deserves. Let's see if it makes any noticeable difference...

Back for 2007

2007-01-04T12:23:00.000-05:00

Welcome back! If you haven't been keeping track of this blog in the past few weeks, fear not: I was too consumed with days off and...stuff.

Perhaps one of the most interesting thing that happened over the extended break was an awesome parking spot I got in Chicago. I will attempt to convey the awesomidity of it at a later date.

Otherwise, I had a good Christmas in which the ornaments on my Christmas tree grew at an exponential rate. At just what exponent, I'm not at liberty to say.

Finally, this laptop looks pretty interesting. The only thing it doesn't appear to have that a Dell laptop might is an exploding battery.

I'll have one soft shell and one hard shell - no taco, please

2006-12-14T12:09:00.001-05:00

So now it's not the onions in the tacos, it's the lettuce! My bet, however, isn't the onions or the lettuce or the meat - it's more likely, I think, to be the Escherichia coli in the taco.

It would be best described as 'one long lunch break'

2006-12-07T12:22:00.000-05:00

I have recently discovered what it takes to make a truly tolerable week. Simply remove Mondays and Wednesdays from the work week and we're talking!

BLOGGER'S NOTE: I'll bet, long ago, someone once said: 'You know what would make work weeks more tolerable? Simply remove Saturdays and Sundays from them!' But they were only partially correct.

In any case, the Monday was a memory-filled day. I have distinct memories of freezing while walking to destinations, while ducking into places that weren't really supposed to be destinations, and while returning from these destinations.

Actually, there were plenty of other things, too. For one thing, I actually learned stuff while away from work. Like now I know that if I ever wanted to compete in a gingerbread house contest, I must be crazy. Also, I now know that I work right next to a road that was previously a wooden toll turnpike in the 19th century. In fact, only recently do to the "Major Moves" effort in this state did it become the free, asphalt covered road it is today.

There were even more adventures had that day, but I'm getting cold thinking about them...

Spanish: Hace frío
English: Will SOMEONE turn up the thermostat, please?!?

The Greatest Experiment Since Deep-fried Turkey Most Pointless Spent Time Ever

2006-11-28T13:01:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure if this will actually behave the way I wish it to, but if it does, I will no longer have a reason to wait so long between entries; other than the lack of good titles, that is. Soooo...I suppose if I am writing I should have something to talk about. Well, do I ever! This past Thanksgiving I had turkey. But wait! That's not the funny part. I had LOTS of turkey! Ha! I bet you haven't heard that one before.
Oh, you have? Well, I also found this incredible article, which is, of course, the first pop-culture list of its time. And in case you were wondering there is a difference between:

- "Hey HEY hey!" (Dwayne Nelson, "What's Happening!!")

- "Hey hey HEEY!" (Fat Albert, "Fat Albert")

Anyway, if this post doesn't work, I'm going to re-write this whole thing so that it's funny. If it is posted, well, then it'll look like I am not just letting my blog collect dust.

Okay, I take it back. It didn't work, and I don't want to re-write. Here's try number 2...

Try # 3 - skipping this "new" method and doing it the old-fashioned way

UPDATE: INTENT ON MAKING ME LOOK LIKE A FOOL, THE BLOG DECIDED TO POST MY INITIAL TEST ENTRY RIGHT UNDERNEATH THIS ONE, AS IF I JUST DIDN'T SEE IT.

The Greatest Experiment Since Deep-fried Turkey

2006-11-28T12:39:00.000-05:00

Oh, you have? Well, I also found this incredible <a
href=http://www.cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/TV/11/28/tv.catchphrases.ap/index.html>article</a>,
which is, of course, the first pop-culture list of its time. And in
case you were wondering there is a difference between:

- "Hey HEY hey!" (Dwayne Nelson, "What's Happening!!")

- "Hey hey HEEY!" (Fat Albert, "Fat Albert")

Anyway, if this post doesn't work, I'm going to re-write this whole
thing so that it's funny. If it is posted, well, then it'll look like I
am not just letting my blog collect dust.

Ohio in 7 hours

2006-11-14T12:16:00.000-05:00

Recently, I was in Ohio for a wedding. While I could elaborate on the details, I think that I'll just describe it with the following:

Drive, wedding, Pre-reception OSU watching at local bar, Reception with guy on Segway trying to recruit people for the dollar dance.

Yep, that's pretty much it.

Post-Election Analysis

2006-11-09T12:21:00.000-05:00

Well, another election has come and gone. For some reason, other bi-annual events, such as the Olympics, seem to get me more excited than elections. My first attempt to vote in the morning met with disaster, as apparently I became a west-sider by simply moving a block away from my previous residence. I was sent to another location, but I couldn't go that morning due to this job that doesn't recognize the non-existent holiday of Election Day. So after work, I made my way out to vote.

When I made my way inside, it was a relatively happening little place. I had to wait about 45 minutes before taking part in my civil duty. And as I stood there in front of that glorious machine, with that fantastic digital LCD screen containing all those magnificent pixels which, in conjunction with specific pixels around it, spelled out the names of hundreds of people I had never heard of before in my life.

Ha, I kid! There were actually a dozen or so that I vaguely able to recall, but due to conditioning from the political advertising in the area, I thought I was looking at a list of convicted criminals. When I was finally finished selecting those that I had actually scrutinized the credentials for (and one where I just thought he had the funniest commercial), I finished by pressing the LARGE RED BUTTON. I thought I would need someone there to insert and turn a key alongside myself while doing it, but it turns out we can press it ourselves.

So that was my voting experience. And am I the only one who always subtracts a single vote from those that I voted from and thinks to myself "Whoa, if I hadn't voted, she/he would have only received 1,234,342 votes"? Probably.

Election Day Eve

2006-11-06T12:44:00.000-05:00

Once again, another election year has rolled around. And once again, candidates are looking somewhere between bad and worse and the Whigs are still sitting it out on the sidelines. Everyone seems to be talking about the extent of negative campaigning. This doesn't concern me so much; however, I think that we should spend more time convincing candidates that we would be more likely to vote for them if they won a cage fight against their political rival. I suspect this may even be true in some areas. Anyway, go out and vote when you can. Remember, there's always write-in's and I'd be more than willing to serve for the greater good. I'm also training to be a cage fighter.

Also, an update on a previous post. As I sat in church, I pointed out a little girl that I thought looked like Sally from the Peanuts comic strips (particularly, the crazy hair aspect) to my girlfriend. Later, we had a guest speaker who referenced Charles Schultz, the author of Peanuts. I think I should keep a notepad around where I write down everything I think of and then when I see a reference to something on the list, then I make a note of it. Maybe I'll notice a detailed pattern, like when I think of something that is not very obscure, I'm bound to see a reference to it within a certain time frame.

Change of HEART

2006-10-25T12:43:00.000-04:00

Recently, my work had a "forum" on harassment in the workplace. I found this forum very interesting - particularly because there was an open bag of candy on the table in front. Anyway, you can rest assure that my work behavior is now exceptional. And the same goes for this blog. No longer will you see those frequent posts of scantily clad women. And long-gone are the posts where I would drop f-bombs left and right. Yes, I know. In the past, this blog was a scourge of mankind; a sort of abomination to those who deserve my respect. And that includes this guy . Big Koala - you're one of a kind, and we really appreciate that around here.

Everything is about to change

2006-10-17T12:15:00.000-04:00

All that you do from now on will be dictated by the results of this experiment.

Or maybe the more likely scenario is that you won't even recognize that the table of elements looks any different than it did 20 billion years ago when you last took Chemistry.

Also, I got a call during my lunch break...I would have thought that would have ceased now that we found this new element.

What's in a name?

2006-10-10T12:21:00.000-04:00

Your ear cutter-off-er

Your freak of shock rock

Your B-Movie Star

And perhaps most disturbing of all

politician (okay, so it's technically a different name)

Why I don't write so much anymore...

2006-10-02T12:21:00.000-04:00

Because I can't think of any good titles for my postings.

Since we are now in the month of Halloween, I think I will try and keep a "scary" theme going through my posts. For example, this is one of the most frightening things I've ever seen before. Instead of fairy tales and your usual fare, some are now get them started on politics at an early age. Unfortunately (or maybe it is fortunate), they'll probably figure out their lovable congressperson is just as much a weasel as the others before they realize Santa Claus doesn't really exist.

Also, in case you were worried that Neil Armstrong's Purdue degree led to a demise in his grammatical skills, there might be hope. If, on the other hand, you were worried that English majors are apparently worried about small details in a much more incredible context, your fears probably haven't been aleviated.

Do ye want to walk the plank, matey?

2006-09-19T12:16:00.000-04:00

Arrrr, I like physics but I found the first paragraph of this article to be very bizarre. That's right, they used mathematical analysis to extrapolate when the articles about this physics topic will be reduced to zero. I will now perform a chemical analysis on neurons which control the humor center in my brain to find the percent increase due to reading that paragraph.

Let's not forgot that today is Talk Like A Pirate Day. I haven't tried it out yet on any vendors, but I suspect I'll be tired of talking to them by the end of the day, so it could get interesting.

UPDATE: Today has also been one year since I started this.

Seriously Now...

2006-09-12T12:33:00.000-04:00

How many Bears fans actually thought they would be getting free furniture?

In other news: I went to a little festival this past weekend, only to discover there are dogs that will wear visors and goggles.

Brown County - continued

2006-08-31T12:29:00.000-04:00

So back at the nature center, we were given the opportunity to see a bat that had been injured. It turns out the bat was a natural showman, pretending to want to bite the volunteer's fingers and constantly "asking" for more food (read: mealworms). It was a pretty neat presentation. Also, I don't wish to brag, but when she asked how old the oldest fossils of modern bats were, I guess it right - 50 million. Yep, I don't want to brag, but I guess you're reading the ponderings of a stinkin' genius.

Our adventure continued outside of the state park and into a small town called Nashville. It might not have been as flashy as the version in Tennessee, but it was fun nonetheless. There were art vendors, caramel apples, fudge shops, and some nice hometown restaurants. There was even a little alleyway with a marionette stage in it. Pretty impressive. After that, it was getting late and it was decided that back home would be the next destination. And that's pretty much the entire trip, excluding the tornado dodging that was done in driving back from there.

Don't forget that this upcoming month, I'll be celebrating ONE YEAR of having this blog. Be sure to buy me cake.

The Brown County Experience

2006-08-29T12:38:00.000-04:00

Welcome back, loyal readers! I was on hiatus from work yesterday to take some much needed time to explore the sights of southern Indiana...south to me, anyway. Destination: Brown County.

The first stop was a winery. It was a rather nice place where one could sample many different types of wine. The only downside, from my perspective, is that I did not see people in bare feet stomping on the grapes.

The next stop was the Brown County State Park. It seemed to be pretty large and the roads seem to wind through it forever. It is also possible that I got stuck in a spatial vortext, which would probably explain the wild turkeys that ran out in front of my car. From here, we went on a small trail which led to an overlook which could also reinforce the notion of the spatial vortex, because I think we wound up on Mt. Everest.

From there, we moved on to a nature center, which also had several trails to follow nearby. The nature center itself was a collection of snakes, turtles, and stuffed animals. I should also warn you: there was a little notepad for anyone to write down what they thought should be the state animal. I just looked and saw that according to www.stateanimals.com, Indiana appears to have no entry, but the exhibit said it was the bison. Anyway, someone had wrote down the new state animal should be Nina from Napoleon Dynamite.

Next, we took one of the trails that had been labeled "easy". This, of course, was established in the 1800's, where easy simply meant you didn't have to wrestle an Indiana bison barehanded in the middle of the trail. Now, it seems like an awfully long trail to use. It was pretty nice, regardless of ending up in M0ntana by the end (okay, that's an exaggeration).

There were many other times and experiences had while out there, but I'll have to write about those at a later time. Fare ye well, dedicated readers who donate money to this blog.

Radio Thing Update

2006-08-18T12:44:00.000-04:00

Just yesterday, I was driving around and said something referencing Golden Earring's "Radar Love". Just as I did that, the song came on the radio! There was a witness who can vouch for this, in case you were in doubt.

Also, I think I found something worse than receiving a phone call during a relaxing lunch break - getting an unexpected visit from a vendor. FUN!!

Save the Planet!

2006-08-14T12:24:00.000-04:00

Pluto, that is.

My Radio Thing

2006-08-09T12:40:00.000-04:00

I've decided to use this entry to inform readers about a gift I've been hiding all this time. Very few people know of it, but I have a gift that may seem borderline magical. I admit, I haven't searched into this much, but if forced to give this a name, I'd call it "my radio thing".

The idea is simple enough. A couple of times, I'll be thinking of a song or singing a song. Then I'll turn on the radio. The song will be playing! But here's some more specific examples.

*Once, my brother told me about this SNL skit that I hadn't seen before. Now I know it well, but it was the one with Christopher Walken saying that more cowbells were needed while performing Don't Fear the Reaper. The very next time I hear that song, the DJ accidentally (or not) cuts into the song and starts saying "We need more cowbells!" Perhaps if the episode had just played, but this was four or five years after the episode made its initial run. Not convinced?

*I asked the same brother if he had heard this old White Zombie song being played on the radio recently. He said he had heard it once or twice over the span of a long time. But after I asked him that, he said he heard it many more times over the span of about a week. Still not convinced?

*One day, I mentioned in an e-mail to my girlfriend that I had been looking up the lyrics to Led Zeppelin's "Hey Hey, what can I do". That same day, I hear the song being performed by Hootie and the Blowfish.

Okay, if those haven't convinced you, then nothing probably will. This has happened a lot more than these times. Yeah, they're not played infrequently and, yeah, I'm not hearing White Zombie on the local oldies station. But still...

Fine, don't believe it then...I don't, myself. Just don't blame me that when you go home, you're going to hear:

Boston: More than a Feeling

Maybe the wait would have been more interesting with the 3D glasses?

2006-08-04T12:32:00.001-04:00

This past weekend, I made the pilgrimage to Cedar Point. It was rather warm, which changed around the normal line lengths for the rides. Take Disaster Transport for instance. Normally, a very short wait in line for a solidly mediocre ride. In fact, one of the features listed here is that the "Queuing area is in blacklight with fluorescent paint creating a 3-D effect. 3-D glasses are available for purchase." When one of the features involves the waiting line, it's probably not too impressive, right? And the normal 10-15 minute wait verifies that. But throw in the fact that it's indoors and there's air conditioning while waiting, and all of a sudden, that balloons into a posted 1 1/4 hour wait (although actual recorded time was somewhere around 50 minutes).

I also fell victim to one of the "carnie" games, specifically one involving shooting 12 shots at various points outside a three-point line. Like all carnival games, though, it was rigged - I actually had to shoot the ball. That and I believe the rim might have been at the height used in the Indonesian Leagues, which is 297 cm, equating to 9.744065 feet. The rim may have even been at the standards of various South American tribes; the only way to get the ball through it is by using black magic (involving deflating the ball).

All in all, it was a great experience...as usual.

Closure, Oprah Style

2006-07-31T12:42:00.000-04:00

This past week, I received a letter in the mail from a certain cereal company. This cereal company informed me that they had verified that the foreign object in my cereal was indeed a "stone or rock", and that they hoped they realized they meant no harm. And just to let me know, they gave me more coupons! I suppose there won't be any more coming my way, but what a ride this was.

Danger Where You'd Least Expect It

2006-07-26T12:42:00.000-04:00

I remember when the worst worry I had about this place was getting a static electric shock from the rails...

Big thanks to Becky for keeping me afloat on vital news.

This is United States calling, are we reaching...

2006-07-19T12:41:00.000-04:00

I like maps. To be more specific, I like atlases. I especially enjoy looking at the city populations and comparing them to each other. Okay, so maybe that doesn't sound like EVERYBODY'S fun time, but it is to me.

So one might think I'd be excited about participating in an NSF funded census about recent college graduates. Well, I was...but I procrastinate sometimes. So finally, a few months after the initial packet, after reminder after reminder had been sent, I finally filled it out and sent it back.

A few days later, my sister-in-law gets a call from the U.S. Census Bureau asking if she could have me call them. I call them to find that they were just wondering if I had gotten my packet in the mail, because they thought maybe it had gone to the wrong address (actually, it DID go to my former residence). I told them I had already sent it, but it probably hadn't arrived yet.

I still like the census...but it seems like they have some self-esteem issues. I wonder if they wait by the phone, and then wonder if they just missed my call when they were home.

Cereal Stowaway Update

2006-07-11T12:18:00.000-04:00

I recently received a packet from a certain breakfast cereal manufacturer which contained an envelope to return the "sample", mentioned in the previous entry, in, along with some nice coupons for more cereal, hopefully minus rocks.

The Dangers of Breakfast

2006-07-06T12:27:00.000-04:00

Early last week, I had myself a bowl of cereal. You might think that's not very exciting, and it shouldn't have been. But as luck would have it, it was quite a breakfast. I won't name the cereal in question directly, but I will show a censored image of it.

Fig. 1: A censored image of the grief-causing cereal
(NOTE: not the actual one)

As I was eating this so-called "cereal", I began chewing on something very hard. It was a rock. Now I don't have an actual picture of the rock, and my last intent is to exaggerate how this essentially ruined my breakfast that morning and, for the most part, my life. I have attempted to reach someone about my concerns of what was in one of those "two scoops", but I have yet to hear back from anyone.

This incident truly was the rock in the raisin br...er, "cereal" of life.

Independence Day

2006-06-29T12:26:00.000-04:00

Happy Fourth of July Weekend! This is the time when we celebrate our independence from taxation without representation as we are now fully represented with our taxes...sort of. I think it's also noteworthy that we could probably still defeat them, simply with the Class C "consumer" fireworks which will be lit off this weekend.

Bad Pizza!

2006-06-22T12:21:00.000-04:00

I have a terrible secret at work. I'm normally known as the messy one here, so when my desk looks clean, everybody takes notice. It looks clean right now. In fact, it's looked relatively clean for a week or so. There's a reason for that. The file cabinet to my immediate left may look innocent, but buried inside is the truth. The top drawer looks pretty organized, with hanging folders and all.

[Blogger's note: I also have a personal filing cabinet at home. I suggest to anyone else considering doing the same: do NOT make a Miscellaneous folder unless you want that one to grow larger and larger until it begins demanding papers to eat on a regular basis]

But the bottom drawer - ha, you caught me! - is where various papers that cluttered my desk disappear to. Not even to any particular folder. They are just shoved in there without a second thought. The entire drawer is my "miscellaneous" folder. I suppose one day, I'll have to clean it out. Just not today...

I also found out that bad pizza really does exist. When I first saw dirt cheap pizza on sale at the store, I thought I was getting a huge bargain. It even had TWO pizzas with it. So finally I baked it up last evening...and I ate some of the most incredibly bland and tasteless pizza that ever existed. It had plenty of toppings, but I think they were just the same material molded into different shapes.

Worst of all, I had anticipated not eating all the pizza last evening and just packing it with my lunch today. I had not anticipated not liking it. I gave in to my laziness this morning and took the leftovers anyway. It still wasn't good. There are still some leftovers. And there might be just enough room in my bottom drawer here...

Spanish button of the day:

The Weinerdog Nationals

2006-06-12T12:05:00.000-04:00

This past weekend, I was a lucky spectator of a local Germanfest tradition - the Weinerdog Nationals. As a former runner, I thought I had seen it all - but nothing can truly prepare you for racing Dachshunds (literal German translation: Dog which hunts McDonald's cheeseburgers). The main reason for that most of the dogs have no clue what they are doing and, therefore, it is not uncommon to see dogs going in the wrong directions, barking at the crowd, and dogs that never even venture out from the starting line. Once in a while, a dog finishes a race.

I believe it would be safe to say that this was a fulfilling weekend.

Smokin' in the temperature chamber room...

2006-06-09T12:38:00.000-04:00

The past couple of days, I have had the utterly enjoyable experience of testing a particular product here. Required to run for many hours on end, we've been running it in an isolated temperature chamber for the past couple of days. That is until someone noted to me that it had stopped functioning.
So I went back to the temperature chamber and turned on the light. The only problem was the light didn't turn on. I went to get a co-worker and ask them what they thought, and they realized that it wasn't the light that was malfunctioning, it was that a large, thick cloud of soot had obscured the light! We opened the chamber and out came a large, billowing cloud of smoke. We had to turn on the fan and open some doors. I wonder if the device still works?
As a side note, I couldn't help but notice that the door I was opening up had a "NO SMOKING" sign on it. Hehe, I love the irony...or I would if it didn't mean more work for me!

Welcome to June

2006-06-01T12:35:00.000-04:00

I'll just let Mona Lisa do the talking for me today.

READ ASAP!

2006-05-31T12:36:00.000-04:00

While trying to write this, I was trying to decide what the most important concept I should try to get across is. The latest corruption scandals in Washington? The constant international bickering? Or the fact that rabbits re-inacting movies is a fantastic concept? Guess which one I picked...

I vote we make today National Donut Day

2006-05-25T12:24:00.000-04:00

A while back, I had allowed myself to be a guinea pig for the ages and taste tested some potential vending machine food. The results were mixed, which was much better than I had anticipated. Today, however, we were given more free stuff. This time, it was a co-worker that had decided to bring some coffee and donuts in. As anticipated, I grabbed a donut. But I also grabbed a coffee, which is an alien beverage to me. Even others who were regular coffee drinkers were talking about how strong it was.

For me, it tasted like someone accidentally left the filter off the coffee machine. No amount of sugar or cream could have made that drink go down any easier. I didn't even get a full cup and I couldn't make it through the entire way. In all this somber news, there is some good news to report: the donut was fantastic and there are a few more left.

In other news...well, I guess this doesn't exactly qualify.

And in shocking news...well, this isn't applicable either.

Okay, I can't help but look at what I wrote and see that I'm slacking

2006-05-19T12:26:00.000-04:00

So last Friday, I had the fortunate of going to the dentist and watching pieces of a tooth go up in smoke as they drilled at it. Yep, it was the absolute fun of a FILLING! I now refuse the temptations of candy and even donuts while at work. Krispy Kreme ones, in fact (at least today). The point is that apparently dentists can make up for an incredible lack of willpower. Okay, maybe I just wrote this stuff so it didn't look like all I could come up with was a link.

Speaking of which, look what the geniuses at DARPA have come up with. I think there may be a lot of people out there saying "Well, if I would have known there was a market for something like that, I could have designed that." Oh, well.

And I would have to concur with this.

Did you ever wish...

2006-05-18T12:42:00.000-04:00

That you could play guitar at work? Well, I think you'd better check this out.

I think I find phone calls funnier than I should

2006-05-11T12:32:00.000-04:00

Once again, the phone has caused another issue [Blogger's note: excuse me, my phone just rang...okay, back now] to come to my attention. Today, I had to call a PCB manufacturing place to see if they could undercut our current manufacturer to save money. Anyway, after they answered, I explained that I was waiting for a quote. To which they asked me to hold on a sec. I wasn't put on hold or transferred - instead, the phone was simply put down. When the next person answered, I had to explain my situation again. Now I can understand why the info wouldn't be relayed when the call is transferred, but why not in this situation?

My theory is that we would end up with a situation like the old telephone game. I would call for my PCB quote status, it would get passed around a few times, and pretty soon the CEO is on the phone not-so-calmly asking how I knew about his top-secret idea for deodorant geared towards skunks. I would then have to explain that all I wanted was a quote for PCBs.

Afterwards, I would have to cross deodorant geared towards skunks off my ideas for patents.

Caution: This blog has ripples

2006-05-09T12:26:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, I had realized the time had come for me to go grocery shopping. It usually coincides with when I am hungry for something I don't have at the apartment. While I was there, I made a unbelievable discovery. Grocery shopping isn't geared toward males. I didn't realize this until I was getting ready to get the toilet paper. The three major brands had: a cartoon bear mascot, a puppy mascot, and one even claimed to have "ripples". I'm not sure why someone wants ripples on their toilet paper, but I knew that I didn't. And I don't even consider the off-brand, since their texture is approximately that of a newspaper and the thickness utilizes the latest breakthroughs in nanotechnology. So I ended up going with the puppy brand. I think grocery stores need to stock data sheets for all their products so I can do some real comparative shopping.

And a big thanks to all the people who didn't call me during lunch. That would be the entire earth's population minus one. Thank you all!

Mwahahaha! Today, Allen County...tomorrow, DeKalb County!

2006-05-04T12:08:00.000-04:00

Well, the primaries have come and gone. Here, they went very well. I think. The big issue around these parts is a unigov approach, in which the large (okay, medium size...okay, smaller end of medium sized) city in a county consolidates some resources with the county. There is widespread belief that this will lead to a virtual annexation. Proponents, however, say their efforts aren't like that...and then quickly change the subject to socks.
So while those of us in northeast Indiana have had to deal with that, there are some who had far more interesting elections.

Also, if you're not familiar with the daily adventures of Pig and Rat...I can only wonder about the state of your sense of humor.

Are you ready?

2006-05-01T12:56:00.000-04:00

Ich will ein weinerhund kaufen.

http://www.germanfest.org/ev7_sat.htm

I thought he was just going to sing "Instant Karma"

2006-04-25T12:42:00.000-04:00

Perhaps you have heard about the "seance" held with John Lennon recently on pay-per-view television. My disclaimer right from the get-go is that I don't buy into this stuff. The reason is pretty simple. Among them, whenever I have seen/heard these things, they usually with another person. I've heard that the best of these are really very skilled at reading subtle messages given by the living interviewee. So one of these usually ends up like this:

Madame Wienerschnitzel: Do you own a house?
Unsuspecting Customer: Why, yes, I do!
Madame Wienerschnitzel: Udish, your Mesopotamian ancestor, told me so.
[now makes careful judgments about consequence of owning a house]
Madame Wienerschnitzel: Udish also says your house...has a front door?
Unsuspecting Customer: [brief pause]...yeah, I think it does!
Madame Wienerschnitzel: He also says...now this is interesting, that your social security number has nine digits?
Unsuspecting Doofus: Yeah! It's [removed from transcript]!
Madame Wienerschnitzel: He finally says to not check your credit report for a few years.

Anyway, I believe it took quite an effort to come up with something John Lennon might say...and sure enough, it was.

I will rebuild this blog ONE ENTRY LONGER!

2006-04-24T12:28:00.000-04:00

What?!? That is SO surprising!

In other news, this is strange. But I just wonder - what could one possibly use that paperclip for?

Finally, for those who may have gone to Purdue, you probably remember our issues with squirrels. They ran wild on campus, mugging people and causing general chaos. There was even that one incident with the group of squirrels who took over a bulldozer from one of the many constructions sites and, long story short, it was a good thing I learned sinusoidal steady-state response from EE 201 (wow, Prof. Tan still teaches it) or else Heavilon Hall would need to be rebuilt another brick higher.

Anyway, I'm rambling. Kind of like that one time in central Austria when...oh...right. Anyway, I present to you this.

Cows are awesome

2006-04-21T12:22:00.001-04:00

I think this speaks for itself.

In other news, I have parted ways with my old Chevy Beretta. *SIGH*, it seems like only yesterday, it left me stranded in a left-turn lane on the way to work. In more late-breaking news, there is a refrigerator near my cubicle, and I have no idea why.

It must be re-runs for the news

2006-04-20T12:43:00.000-04:00

Because I'm pretty sure I've seen this before.

Oh, how I wish for free-range engineering!

2006-04-19T12:25:00.000-04:00

As I was getting ready to type this blog, I realized something. I don't feel like I have much to type about. That's not to say that nothing goes on here at work that's funny; it's just that it's all been said before. The vending machine that is supposed to vend an orange drink gives you lemonade while the vending machine which should have the lemonade has none to offer. The new and improved water cooler still tastes the same as the old water cooler, although I was asked many times how I thought they compared. I still talk to people on the phone about as well as a moderately-trained chimpanzee. And yet, it just seems normal now. I have come to realize that I am now desensitized from all the things which I used to think were so bizarre.

On the plus side, a lamp we've made can survive -50°F, in case someone needs to go rescue some Emperor penguins or something.

Also, I'd like to mention that I'm changing my name (again). Thanks to Becky for finding me a good new name.

Fun with legal departments

2006-04-17T12:26:00.000-04:00

Nine-year-old Shea will likely not be a lawyer when she grows up.

Help Wanted

2006-04-13T12:41:00.000-04:00

Position: Babysitter
Location: Capitol Hill

(I bet you were expecting something totally different)

Position: Athlete
Location: In front of a computer

Key quote: "...any competition is a sport."

Move over, Teddy Ruxpin

2006-04-11T12:56:00.000-04:00

The real engineering feat would be to get these to NOT seem so disturbing.

I hope you have FLASH!

2006-04-10T12:48:00.000-04:00

You'll need it here

Bad Omens in Project Design

2006-04-04T12:09:00.000-04:00

Recently, I've been designing as part of a project we've been taking on here at work. While it took a couple tries and retries to get things how I wanted them, I felt that I had a circuit that would accomplish just what I needed it to. That was until I started going to fetch more detailed information on components used. The information itself was good; it was in retrieving it that I began to have second thoughts.

For instance, I am using a certain chip in this design. While contacting the company for information, they couldn't find anyone who knew anything about this chip.

Then while getting my information, we had the following (paraphrased) exchange:

Me: I'm engineer at [my company name here].
Her: Is that in [city that is identical to my company name], California?
Me: [silence]..um, no, it's in [city whose name in no way resembles company name], Indiana.
Her: [laughter]

I was given a number for another branch somewhere else, and told they could help me. Well, they couldn't either, but they had a number for someone who could. After giving me a number with no area code, I asked what the area code was. Confused, she asked me where I was from; apparently, she figured I was a local customer.

Lastly, I had to get a mechanical component for this as well, which brought about this (also paraphrased) exchange:

Me: I'll need [a relatively large number] per year.
Him: [silence]...Really?

Well, it's been real. Now time to finish up [haha] those pesky taxes!

So wait - it's spring behind, right?

2006-03-31T12:56:00.000-05:00

Dr. Jing Kang or Dr. Gene Splicer...

I AM hungry for taquitos

2006-03-29T12:04:00.000-05:00

Welcome back, readers. As per your request, I am here to give you the latest breaking important news that you'll ever need to know. Here are some things that may affect your view of the world and force you to look deep inside yourself and ask "Am I hungry for taquitos?"

World Politics: Once again, the Russians are up to no good. Well, at least their president. Putin, how could you?!?

U.S. Science: Once again, scientists are making headway in the making-water-go-uphill race. I hear Russia is fuming they didn't find it first.