Now I have to use the small January calendar in the bottom corner of my 2005 calendar...

Hello readers, hope you've had a great holiday. We still have a New Year's coming up, which is a time for great celebration for most people. I say most people, because I will be working extra hard before the new year. You see, this blog is NOT Y2k6 compatible. Now, I am just doing this out of the kindness of my heart, but donations will be accepted. Obviously, Gary of RFC has had a bad influence on me...

In important news that you likely don't care about, Intel is losing its image. And it was such a creative logo, too!

Also, national meteorologists predict destruction and devestation in Memphis today. They would like to remind you, however, that these predictions are merely figuratively.

Until next time...if this blog still functions after 2006 begins...

This gives me some interesting "casual Friday" ideas

I've got incredible news! Incredibly geeky news! I have added a link on the right-hand bar that will allow you to use this blog's XML capabilities! You may now add me to your MyYahoo pages or any other news reader that supports ATOM. YES! Okay, now that I'm done explaining something that exactly zero people will use and fewer even understood in the first place, it's time to get to the news at hand.

While my girlfriend and I were at a Christmas party recently, we ran into a similar situation to the one that you'll find here. I certainly support their right to wear what they want to wear, but I wonder what kind of reaction I would have gotten for wearing a sombrero...

Now, pretend you're under pressure by a major sporting committee. You have to make a decision that will affect a major world event. You've made your decision. You're certain you've made the right one. You just have to follow through on it...don't hit the wrong button. Delphi, Indiana has now declared it would have been the eventual winner had it not been for this unfortunately mistake.

It's now time to go. If you want to find me on Christmas night, you can look here.

This is my present to YOU

Welcome back, devoted thrill-seekers who read this blog, and happy Tuesday! I'm in good spirits thanks to leftover pizza for lunch which was also my lunch yesterday.

However, there is one bit of interesting news that you may not have been following. Back in the day (i.e., four or so years ago), I did a report on what had been a recent Bolivian election. Who were the contenders? In one corner was your standard politician - not too poor, no radical views, etc, etc. In the other corner was Evo Morales, who was a poor farmer and who had a penchant for chewing coca, even when at work in politics. If I had been speaking English (instead of the required Spanish) during the presentation, I might have said "Needless to say, Evo Morales lost." So, needless to say, I couldn't have seen this one coming.

I suppose this makes for news that's funny in a scary sort of a way.

[blogger's note: now a co-worker just came around asking if anybody wanted an crab rangoon. *checks date to see if it's Christmas already*]

In related news, at least he doesn't have access to the new star destroyers (ugh, I'm referencing Star Wars?!?).

Anyway, it's nearing time to get back to work. In order to get the maximum readership, I've decided that I better get the P.C. on as we close in on the holidays: Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Holidays, May the force be with you.

Until next time,

This entry's only about 34% humorous

Good news, everyone: I have now been reconnected to Radio Free Colorado. Well, sort of. I can listen to the music. The guestbook, however, is off-limits. I suppose I can deal with that.

In other news, perhaps you've heard of technology and the arts coming together in many different ways. Many times this makes for interesting results, but occasionally you come across something that just screams waste of time. Computer analysis also indicates that da Vinci is rolling in his grave...at 9π radians/sec.

I would also like to mention that having broken links in past entries is one of the most annoying things about trying to maintain a blog. I should probably update all my entries to say "You can't see it now, but I promise, it was a hoot!"

It's time to go back now. Until next time,

Free of Radio Free Colorado

Once again, it is lunch and here I am writing. I'm happy to report my sandwich, chips and drink were consumed without any difficulties. I am not happy to report that someone who happens to share an IP address with me here decided to flame Gary of Radio Free Colorado fame. Our IP now gets rerouted from his server to the internet's version of Mr. Beep-Beep-Beep. That's right, we got the boot. I can only imagine what I'm missing; it just won't be the same!

In news that you likely missed, a town in Brazil has proposed this law. In related news, these folks may have just found a new place to recruit from.

Okay, so I can see how you might be able to do without that bit of news, but what about something more important. Now you've learned a lesson: it's so dang rude to talk on cell phones while conducting business!

And finally, Sony breathes a sigh of relief. Now you've just learned another lesson: there's nothing you can do to screw up Windows any more than it already is.

And now my break has drawn to a close. Here's hoping for a spectacular day for those who read this blog.

Spanish phrase: ¡Gary, no soy culpable!
English phrase: Gary, it's not my fault!

The Superhero's Lunch Break Writings

Hello all! Just a quick note for you - I am no longer an engineer. Nope, I am now:

The astonishing Stynksya Skarab
Power(s): Juggling, Radar sense
Source of powers: Extra-terrestrial mutant willpower
Weapon: Skarab Sling
Transportation: Stynksya Wings

That's right, if you want to change your job, it's all right here!

Also, while monkeys have yet to recreate anything of Shakespeare, I have no doubt they have already duplicated this weblog...many times.

I don't know, Margo!

Lately, I've been having trouble finding stories by which I can inform the general public about going-ons in the world. Or perhaps the problem is that the stories are generally the same ones I've already written about in earlier postings. Even science articles, which normally attract me with such headlines as Existence of traffic cones questioned and Long-term study finds that dogs like meat, haven't provided any new and exciting information in quite a while. In search of something different, I found a site that may help me find the current news.

For a really happy treat, check the disclaimer. Okay, so it's not a terrible site, but did you notice how they pulled it off? There's no section titled "American Politics". Still, it's hard to give it too much credibility when their ads are sponsored by "Goooooooooooooooooooooooooooogle".

Time for lunch to end, but before I do, here's the important Spanish lesson for today:

Spanish Word: Vacaciones De Navidad Del Lampoon Nacional
English Translation: National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

I am the...

Since I spent most of this break correcting the last post, I can only afford a short post today.

First of all, as any good engineer knows, MIT is one of the top-notch schools for engineering today. So I think we can all say that anyone who is recognized by such a school has achieved much in the way of engineering design. I give to you one of the most recognized and celebrated inventors of our time. They must have overlooked the biggest achievement in sleeping technology. (Blogger's note: I do not endorse either of these products, and honestly, I'm a little wary of "AsSeenOnTV.com" as a domain name).

We also can't forget about new discoveries being made. For example, a new animal has been found in the land of hyphenated-named creatures. Sure, a cat-fox and ferret-badger sound interesting, but I was hoping more for something like this?

Well, it's time to get going. But not before a little vocab:

Spanish word: morsa
English word: walrus

Service Blog Soon

I received many responses to the previous blog. Okay, so no one actually posted a comment or sent me an e-mail. For that matter, no person did anything whatsoever in response to it. However, my car, not wanting to be outdone by some A-Team has-been, now speaks to me. For the most part, it just says "Service Engine Soon", and does quite a bit of grumbling when driven. Oh, and sometimes it says "I pity the fool that writes pointless postings in a weblog."

I also am not one to be outdone by others, and I am contemplating integrating an XML format into this blog. For those who are not in the know, XML stands for eXtensible Markup Language. In this format, there are tags which describe the content which can be found on a site. For example, a site might have the following:
(description)Don't come to this site, it's riduculously pointless(/description)
where (description) is the beginning tag, (/description) is the ending tag and the junk in between is the actual description. Then you can run a program from your computer which reads these tags and can report back to you what the description is, or what you could find on the site at that particular moment. I believe in order to usefully incorporate XML, I will need the following tags:

(BadPoliticianOfTheDay)
(RidiculousNewsStoryOfTheDay)
(SpanishWordOfTheDay)
(FakeEnglishTranslationOfTheDay)

[Blogger's baaaad feeling: there is certainly an danger in quick descriptions of new technology and a following joke based on the technology. If this joke has fell flat on its face with you, may I recommend taking an XML course at a local community college, and return to the blog with your newfound knowledge. You will then find it cheesy but understandable.]

That's all for today, here is the Spanish vocabulary for today:

Spanish Word: Pescados De Altavista Babel
English Word: Altavista Babel Fish

Blogger's Update: previously, the tags had not shown up, but I have now corrected the situation...by replacing ">" and "<" with ")" and "(". Rock on, technology!

Entry which will likely dissuade many who were interested in engineering from going through with it

Welcome back, or welcome for the first time to new readers who are likely 1 second away from hitting "Back" on their browsers. My name is [blogger mumbles some name that likely isn't even a real one], and as you may have guessed, I am an engineer. Sometimes that requires me to stare a computer monitor all day, except for my lunch, in which case I stare at the monitor to write this blog. Other days, like yesterday, this requires me to drive to another location in order to test things which I built. With a little tweaking, trickery and a technician who got some serious PDA solitaire playing time in, I was able to pass the test for the device.

Anyway, I can't help but wonder what the people who tested this were thinking as they did it. Initial calculations indicate that there are approximately 1.2 million jokes that could follow the reading of that article. I'll just let everyone else who reads this do the work for me and post a comment.

For those who happen to like physics and are feeling particularly festive about it now that it's the holiday season, may I recommend some physics carols? Oooookay, maybe not.

Well, I believe my time here is up. Until next lunch...

Another (great, crappy) entry!

Ahhhh, is there anything better to cap off a long holiday weekend than getting up before sunrise and trudging off to work? I didn't think so. For those of you who didn't know, or live in another country, or who live in Canada, last Thursday was Thanksgiving Day. Personally, I was thankful for many things including:

My newfound knowledge of a contender to rat turned pop-culture-icon-amongst-4-to-12-year-olds, Pikachu. It's a contender that would have a higher furry rating, if such statistics were kept. I give you... Big Koala.

The knowledge that I didn't have a teacher like this. Wow, it's amazing how deftly he integrated the vocabulary in with the rant! [Blogger's thought: I love how the third paragraph let's us know that the correct word is "coherent"] Let's see if I could create a question in approximately the same format.

1. The (teacher, pencil) in this story wrote a sentence that just seemed to rant on and on after the context needed to select the correct word had already been established, which wastes students' time simply so they can read his opinions on something which is particularly irrelevant to the class. [Blogger's note: the correct answer is teacher...sort of]

It's time to get back to work. Until next time...

R & D, retrograde

I've recently had a chance to embark on a very interesting experience. Under pressure to build a prototype as quickly as I could, I had to design a printed (read as: permanent) circuit board with previously untested electrical components. Today I finally received excess amounts of the mysery component and was able to try some testing in the lab. It's an interesting feeling when you've already sent off the design only to find that it's not going to work the way you plan. Or it's just not going to work, period. In a last ditch effort to prevent me from having to perform major surgery on this board, I will have to call the PCB place and rework the error. In other news, I'm very ready for a four day weekend.

Also, here's a highly recommended movie for the holiday season.

[blogger's note: I was surprised to see that I wrote a comment about the movie on imdb over four years ago. I was awfully harsh, it would seem. One star?]

Now time for some turkey...

Hilarity at 160 kbps

As the news seems to report more and more jobs being sent overseas, I am happy to report that we probably don't have to worry as much as we're being told. For instance, while checking out the specifications on a recently ordered product from a company that proclaims that it is American, I found this gem:

"This product don't contained restriction substance, compliance ROHS standard." [sic]

That's right. [sic] indeed. Apparently they spent their money on engineers who can slap together four different substrates, and had to resort to hiring Timmy from Mrs. Kooney's third-grade gym class to do the technical writing.

For those who enjoy streaming radio and ranting lunatics who claim to own everyone's psyche because he took two semesters of psychology in college, may I recommend Radio Free Colorado? Not much on the site itself, but occasionally the guestbook has others ranting back at him. The actual radio format is classic rock (generally good, but repetitive), but that's not the only reason to listen. [blogger's note: after finishing that sentence, George Harrison started playing - so the songs are still a big reason I listen]

While the station remains commercial-less most of the day, somewhere between 2:30-4, the manager, Gary Burke, comes on and asks for donations. This is where you find out that those who post complaints on his site are all from competing stations (I know that's not true) and that he knows what everybody is thinking due to taking two classes of psychology in college. Anyway, it's quite an experience - I recommend a listen.

Now it's back to the work grind I go. Here's hoping Gary pays us listeners a visit before the day is over.

Spanish word: blue jeans
English translation: blue jeans

Unofficial Study Finds Moving Causes Ignorance

That's correct. Ever since I moved, I have found that I know absolutely nothing about what's going on. Does Alito still exist? Is it now unfashionable to still tease Miers? Is teaching evolution outlawed? Are there still 50 states? As of now, I have decided I need a newspaper.

I did, however, find out that Sony has "interesting" anti-piracy programs on some CDs. I must have installed it on my old computer, because I used to get all these blue screen errors...that couldn't have been Microsoft's fault, right? I couldn't imagine I would have worried about the hackers though...it would have been the equivalent of stealing a Pinto on cinderblocks.

It's now time for me to return to work. In closing, I'd like to present a new feature to the blog: a useful Spanish vocabulary word for you to use!

Today's word:
Spanish: ácido deoxirribonucléico
English: Hairless Poodle

Until next time...

My cup is looking half-empty

Arrested Development is being phased out! But if all of you (and then about 1.3 million who don't visit these pages) watch the next time it's on, perhaps we can save it! You don't even really have to watch it...just turn your tv on and pretend like you're watching it. Although it would really help if you had a Nielsen box; it would also help if you spent 3/4 of your income on all products advertised during the show.

Does anyone else remember how difficult it was to change the day you took your final exams? Sometimes it wasn't even worth it.

Okay, so maybe they're not the brightest and if she even really did take a final, she likely didn't do so great. But I just wonder if it was an ethics exam...

Well, I better get back to the land of the working. My cup is now looking completely empty. Probably because I was drinking out of it while I was writing. Probably.

Scalito!

Wow. How incredibly clever. They should have gone with Alia...

Whatever happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas...maybe even thumbs.

Does Hallmark make cards for rejected supreme court nominees?

Harriet Miers has withdrawn her bid for the Supreme Court. You heard it here first! At least, that is, if you don't visit another news site or read the newspaper first. Harriet, you are the greatest rejected supreme court nominee ever! :) :) [Blogger's thoughts: wow, that's pretty rough...I'm sure she would have made a perfectly fine justice...maybe]. Well, it's a birthday party at work today, so I'm going ot have to cut this short. I can't wait for the inevitable bland, Ivy League graduate that they nominate next.

[Title deleted]

Welcome back! It's a fantastic Tuesday Afternoon (TGIT), and things couldn't be better. Just look at a message I received via e-mail:

...you are too [expletive deleted] funny. Do you have a [expletive deleted] counter on your [expletive deleted] site? How many [expletive deleted] hits are you getting. No you don't have to tell me. I'll just check it a lot.

Note: the preceeding message was edited for content. Specifically, I added the [expletive deleted] messages for effect. Did it work?

Ever wish that you could start up a shop in Turkey and put up a sign that includes a "W" or "Q"? You renegade! [Blogger's fair warning: not all of the article is funny]

I suppose everybody already knows a new champ's been crowned. If you haven't been following it carefully from the very start, you've been seeing it plastered onto every newspaper in sight. Andrew Bergel is the new reigning king.

Good for Andrew Bergel! Professional RPS seems like such a worthwhile use of [lie deleted].

It's back to work I go! I'm absolutely pumped to get back to [lie deleted]!! Until next time, have yourself a [random word deleted] day!!

Hail, Hail to old Purdue!

It's always cool to see your old college in the news!

The news is my muse

Here in Indiana, we truly love our motorsports. In fact, it appears that we love it so much that the powers that be decided to add a car slalom to the road I take to work. Just when you thought you were supposed to stay in the left lane, LOOK OUT! You've now got the space of an intersection to make it to the right side. Shine on, you crazy Hoosier state.

Speaking of Indiana motorsports, I wonder why Jacques Lazier didn't take up boxing?
Oh, that's right...

And for those that think I am always portraying a negative image of politics
[editors note: HAHAHAHA!!...does anybody really have a positive view of politics?], I have found that there are indeed good stories that I have missed. Here's a politician surprising everyone.

Jacques Lazier was heard commenting that the gorilla had absolutely obliterated the nut with 2,000,000 pounds of force.

[editor's note: I'm sad to say I did feel this had a clever title]

But Harriet Miers always told me I was her favorite! :-(

It has been an entire two weeks since I last posted. As I read my post, I realize that I have grown much since then. My biggest worry was getting calls during a lunch break? HA! I'm just glad I get a lunch break again. Orangeade out of the lemonade button? Silly, innocent engineer. From now on, I will only tackle important issues.

Speaking of which, has anyone else noticed this continuing trend of modeling advertisements like actual articles in newspapers or magazines? I'm not sure if they actually fool anyone since there always seems to be something just "off" about them. Perhaps it's a slight change in the font or perhaps it's the deftly placed "advertisement" notice at the top or bottom of the ad.

All I know is that while reading a video game magazine of my brother's (mock me if you will, but it's usually HILARIOUS), I started reading this "article" about, oh, I don't know, Sagwa and Friends racing for PS2 or something only to see these blurbs about how incredible it is. Surely, I thought, this must be some kind of mistake. And indeed it was...I had fallen victim for 15 seconds to the advertisement article.

Be aware of these advertisements...they are sly and clever. I just wonder what kind of product is so terrible that after being told the features of it, a marketing director says "Well...we could always try and pass off an advertisement as an article in hopes of tricking people into buying the Guetzila Knee Cap Bender!"

Anyway, I hope to be back to writing this week. Work would be so much worse if I didn't have a Guetzila Heartrate Turboboost every morning. That's right, GHT! As Dr. beep-beep-beep, the accredited scientist from the Foundation for Making Delphi, IN, the Capital of the US, noted, "It tastes sorta okay! And it's the only way to be cool!" So true, Doc...so true.

Ooops

For those that do actually keep track of news, you probably realized that I was way off on my predictions for the new Supreme Court nominee. For everybody else, you should be aware that it has not turned into another partisan fight. For all of you who caught my mistake, go reward yourself with a cookie.

Tilingo, Tilingo

[Blogger's ponder: should one be worried about their job when they receive a thank-you note for demonstrating what they DON'T want to do for a career?]

Allow me to give all those who don't pay attention to the news a quick rundown of recent politics. Harriet Miers will now have her name and reputation both dragged through the mud and thoroughly glorified as part of the necessary process known as "partisanship".

I would now like to quickly address the notion of using speakerphone with people that you can see (okay, so it might require a mirror, but...). I'm constantly surrounded by people speaking in stereo, because I can hear their real voice in one direction and their speakerphone voice in another. Does anyone else have this issue? Am I just crazy?!?

Okay, so I'm crazy. But don't stop reading this blog because of it! However, I've run out of time - and I had so many other facts and figures to support my annoyance with speakerphone! Until next time, buckle your safetybelts and remember: mañana es martes!

Tom Flambe

Did you hear the big news???? A politician is accused of unethical behavior!!! And his name is Bill Frist...or wait, is it Tom DeLay? Well, anyway, I think all this will end in a mud wrestling match between all those on Capitol Hill - finally, mudslinging I can all appreciate! For those who haven't been able to flip past the first few pages of the newspaper, I've dug out the important stories you should know about:

OOooookay

Sooooo...when do we start seeing commercials with Gnu's gnu or Linux's Tux?

Above: Tux finds a problem with his new hobby.

[Blogger's ponder: I wonder if there's a copyright on a picture of a mascot for open-source software...]

Whoa

I remember when I was younger, I was too afraid to go feed the killer whales at Sea World. It was the thought of holding a fish and having a big animal come up and eat it that scared me the most. My only response to this disturbing rumor is from a Malcolm in the Middle episode - "That's like giving a shark a submachine gun!"

I like reading the hardball writings of local columnist Frank Gray (even when he put the heat under my friend's dad!). His attempt to bring to light stories that fall through the cracks often brings attention and resolve for those involved. Now, he finally breaks open a story unlike we've ever seen before!

*gasp*!

[blogger's note: I actually do enjoy reading his column...]

That's all I have time for today. Any retorts to this posting are merely a partisan attack on the Whig Party.

TGIM

Sometimes, you have to learn the ropes when you first begin your career. For example, today I learned a valuable lesson I will treasure for all of my days: if I want "Orangeade" from the vending machines, I should press the "Lemonade" button. If I want lemonade, I should press the "Hawaiian Punch" button. And if I want Hawaiian Punch, well, that's at the grocery store.

Earlier, I learned the v alue of the voice-recognition software used to help you make your way through a company's phone network. Instead of having to type in that extension with those pesky keys (why are those on the phone, anyway?!?), you can now use your native English language to navigate the labyrinth of corporate telephone directories.

[blogger's note: Just received call #1, how tempted I was to direct it to that good buddy o' mine]

Anyway, this works rather well, unless you suffer from allergies, in which case you tend to make sounds which aren't really words (or at least they're not recognized in the latest Oxford). Recently, while using one of these, I happened to sneeze...which immediately sent me to some extention (I'm not sure which buttons on the phone corresponds to a sneeze).

Finally, the non-confrontational remarks don't fly so well in all situations. Given the statement, "Do you need this right away", I probably should have opted to say "Yes." Instead, I decided to say "Um, pretty soon would be nice." Cue laughter on the other end of the phone.

That wraps up another entry for me. Until next lunch, ciao! I believe I'll go get some Doritos out of the Coke machine...

Quick Notice

I was informed that this blog wouldn't allow comments...that has been changed. It also came to my attention that anything could be written about this blog. That also has been changed. Now only comments regarding how spectacular the blog is will be allowed. That is all.

Not-so-lovely Rita, Hurricane

My problems with calls during lunch have persisted, but I believe today I may have found a solution. While making calls of my own, I had to call a certain company. While making this call, I was asked to hold for the next available representative. The next available representative turned out to be the beep-beep-beep letting me know my call had been disconnected. I asked this representative if perhaps there was another better suited for my needs, but they were quite insistent. After calling a second time, I was once again transferred to Mr. beep-beep-beep. After a third time, I finally got someone else, who was about as much help as Mr. beep-beep-beep.
I believe the solution to my problems might be to indicate to the caller that there is someone who may be more interested than I in what they have to say...and send them off to Mr. beep-beep-beep.

Anyway, here are some other things I learned yesterday:

If you don't want drill holes in a table, you should probably put something between the object being drilled and the table itself...and more than likely, your co-workers don't want holes in the table.

If you play around with glue, make sure it doesn't have "weld" in its name, and come in a two-part epoxy, and have 80% of its label covered in warnings. Not good.

Well, I guess that's about it for today. Here's hoping that the responsibility for this upcoming hurricane doesn't get delegated to Mr. beep-beep-beep.

Lorem Ipsum

Greetings, readers (note reckless use of plurality). Today, I had the joy of hosting a shadow at my place of work. This can be a very rewarding experience...if the shadow has any interest at all in the job you hold. This was not the case today. And if anyone's ever felt like their job doesn't always have the most exciting days in the first place, they could only imagine how an outsider verifying this makes it even less satisfying.

[blogger's note: again, I have been called during my lunch break! I'll fix this problem yet!]

Enough about me, apparently someone's been shadowing Mr. Gates.
http://sg.news.yahoo.com/050914/3/3uxst.html
[note: this link is now broken; try
http://www.thebostonchannel.com/technology/4970655/detail.html instead]
Apparently being with Uncle Rico didn't give him enough derision.
"Blue screen error! Idiot!"

[blogger's second note: apparently I need to get on this problem quick...yet another call!]

Well, my lunch has been eaten (as of 45 minutes ago), and work awaits. Until next time...dolor!

The Engineer's Lunch Break Writings Debut

Hello all, and welcome to my blog. As you may have guessed (congrats on the intuition!), I am an engineer and I am indeed on my lunch break. I probably won't be breaking any big news or anything; and if I did, expect to see me in court a few days later under charges of libel.

However, I can manage already-broken news. Perhaps you missed, underneath all the depressing headlines, of a fantastic new invention. It involves television! And death! Yes, television and death. I present my first link in this blog: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20050908/ap_on_hi_te/video_tombstones

[Blogger's note: Link is broken, try: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9257776/ ]

Perhaps it's just my cynicism kicking in, but I suspect when someone tells him they're not interested in these, he immediately begins peddling soap.

Anyway, I can only claim lunch break for so long, so until next time, be wary of anyone who wants to sell you video tombstones (except me, because the ones I'm selling are PLASMA!).