I'll have one soft shell and one hard shell - no taco, please

So now it's not the onions in the tacos, it's the lettuce! My bet, however, isn't the onions or the lettuce or the meat - it's more likely, I think, to be the Escherichia coli in the taco.

It would be best described as 'one long lunch break'

I have recently discovered what it takes to make a truly tolerable week. Simply remove Mondays and Wednesdays from the work week and we're talking!

BLOGGER'S NOTE: I'll bet, long ago, someone once said: 'You know what would make work weeks more tolerable? Simply remove Saturdays and Sundays from them!' But they were only partially correct.

In any case, the Monday was a memory-filled day. I have distinct memories of freezing while walking to destinations, while ducking into places that weren't really supposed to be destinations, and while returning from these destinations.

Actually, there were plenty of other things, too. For one thing, I actually learned stuff while away from work. Like now I know that if I ever wanted to compete in a gingerbread house contest, I must be crazy. Also, I now know that I work right next to a road that was previously a wooden toll turnpike in the 19th century. In fact, only recently do to the "Major Moves" effort in this state did it become the free, asphalt covered road it is today.

There were even more adventures had that day, but I'm getting cold thinking about them...

Spanish: Hace frío
English: Will SOMEONE turn up the thermostat, please?!?

The Greatest Experiment Since Deep-fried Turkey Most Pointless Spent Time Ever

I'm not sure if this will actually behave the way I wish it to, but if it does, I will no longer have a reason to wait so long between entries; other than the lack of good titles, that is. Soooo...I suppose if I am writing I should have something to talk about. Well, do I ever! This past Thanksgiving I had turkey. But wait! That's not the funny part. I had LOTS of turkey! Ha! I bet you haven't heard that one before.
Oh, you have? Well, I also found this incredible article, which is, of course, the first pop-culture list of its time. And in case you were wondering there is a difference between:

- "Hey HEY hey!" (Dwayne Nelson, "What's Happening!!")

- "Hey hey HEEY!" (Fat Albert, "Fat Albert")

Anyway, if this post doesn't work, I'm going to re-write this whole thing so that it's funny. If it is posted, well, then it'll look like I am not just letting my blog collect dust.

Okay, I take it back. It didn't work, and I don't want to re-write. Here's try number 2...

Try # 3 - skipping this "new" method and doing it the old-fashioned way

UPDATE: INTENT ON MAKING ME LOOK LIKE A FOOL, THE BLOG DECIDED TO POST MY INITIAL TEST ENTRY RIGHT UNDERNEATH THIS ONE, AS IF I JUST DIDN'T SEE IT.

The Greatest Experiment Since Deep-fried Turkey

I'm not sure if this will actually behave the way I wish it to, but if
it does, I will no longer have a reason to wait so long between entries;
other than the lack of good titles, that is. Soooo...I suppose if I am
writing I should have something to talk about. Well, do I ever! This
past Thanksgiving I had turkey. But wait! That's not the funny part.
I had LOTS of turkey! Ha! I bet you haven't heard that one before.

Oh, you have? Well, I also found this incredible <a
href=http://www.cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/TV/11/28/tv.catchphrases.ap/index.html>article</a>,
which is, of course, the first pop-culture list of its time. And in
case you were wondering there is a difference between:

- "Hey HEY hey!" (Dwayne Nelson, "What's Happening!!")

- "Hey hey HEEY!" (Fat Albert, "Fat Albert")

Anyway, if this post doesn't work, I'm going to re-write this whole
thing so that it's funny. If it is posted, well, then it'll look like I
am not just letting my blog collect dust.

Ohio in 7 hours

Recently, I was in Ohio for a wedding. While I could elaborate on the details, I think that I'll just describe it with the following:

Drive, wedding, Pre-reception OSU watching at local bar, Reception with guy on Segway trying to recruit people for the dollar dance.

Yep, that's pretty much it.

Post-Election Analysis

Well, another election has come and gone. For some reason, other bi-annual events, such as the Olympics, seem to get me more excited than elections. My first attempt to vote in the morning met with disaster, as apparently I became a west-sider by simply moving a block away from my previous residence. I was sent to another location, but I couldn't go that morning due to this job that doesn't recognize the non-existent holiday of Election Day. So after work, I made my way out to vote.

When I made my way inside, it was a relatively happening little place. I had to wait about 45 minutes before taking part in my civil duty. And as I stood there in front of that glorious machine, with that fantastic digital LCD screen containing all those magnificent pixels which, in conjunction with specific pixels around it, spelled out the names of hundreds of people I had never heard of before in my life.

Ha, I kid! There were actually a dozen or so that I vaguely able to recall, but due to conditioning from the political advertising in the area, I thought I was looking at a list of convicted criminals. When I was finally finished selecting those that I had actually scrutinized the credentials for (and one where I just thought he had the funniest commercial), I finished by pressing the LARGE RED BUTTON. I thought I would need someone there to insert and turn a key alongside myself while doing it, but it turns out we can press it ourselves.

So that was my voting experience. And am I the only one who always subtracts a single vote from those that I voted from and thinks to myself "Whoa, if I hadn't voted, she/he would have only received 1,234,342 votes"? Probably.

Election Day Eve

Once again, another election year has rolled around. And once again, candidates are looking somewhere between bad and worse and the Whigs are still sitting it out on the sidelines. Everyone seems to be talking about the extent of negative campaigning. This doesn't concern me so much; however, I think that we should spend more time convincing candidates that we would be more likely to vote for them if they won a cage fight against their political rival. I suspect this may even be true in some areas. Anyway, go out and vote when you can. Remember, there's always write-in's and I'd be more than willing to serve for the greater good. I'm also training to be a cage fighter.

Also, an update on a previous post. As I sat in church, I pointed out a little girl that I thought looked like Sally from the Peanuts comic strips (particularly, the crazy hair aspect) to my girlfriend. Later, we had a guest speaker who referenced Charles Schultz, the author of Peanuts. I think I should keep a notepad around where I write down everything I think of and then when I see a reference to something on the list, then I make a note of it. Maybe I'll notice a detailed pattern, like when I think of something that is not very obscure, I'm bound to see a reference to it within a certain time frame.

Change of HEART

Recently, my work had a "forum" on harassment in the workplace. I found this forum very interesting - particularly because there was an open bag of candy on the table in front. Anyway, you can rest assure that my work behavior is now exceptional. And the same goes for this blog. No longer will you see those frequent posts of scantily clad women. And long-gone are the posts where I would drop f-bombs left and right. Yes, I know. In the past, this blog was a scourge of mankind; a sort of abomination to those who deserve my respect. And that includes this guy . Big Koala - you're one of a kind, and we really appreciate that around here.

Everything is about to change

All that you do from now on will be dictated by the results of this experiment.

Or maybe the more likely scenario is that you won't even recognize that the table of elements looks any different than it did 20 billion years ago when you last took Chemistry.

Also, I got a call during my lunch break...I would have thought that would have ceased now that we found this new element.

What's in a name?

Your ear cutter-off-er

Your freak of shock rock

Your B-Movie Star

And perhaps most disturbing of all

politician (okay, so it's technically a different name)

Why I don't write so much anymore...

Because I can't think of any good titles for my postings.

Since we are now in the month of Halloween, I think I will try and keep a "scary" theme going through my posts. For example, this is one of the most frightening things I've ever seen before. Instead of fairy tales and your usual fare, some are now get them started on politics at an early age. Unfortunately (or maybe it is fortunate), they'll probably figure out their lovable congressperson is just as much a weasel as the others before they realize Santa Claus doesn't really exist.

Also, in case you were worried that Neil Armstrong's Purdue degree led to a demise in his grammatical skills, there might be hope. If, on the other hand, you were worried that English majors are apparently worried about small details in a much more incredible context, your fears probably haven't been aleviated.

Do ye want to walk the plank, matey?

Arrrr, I like physics but I found the first paragraph of this article to be very bizarre. That's right, they used mathematical analysis to extrapolate when the articles about this physics topic will be reduced to zero. I will now perform a chemical analysis on neurons which control the humor center in my brain to find the percent increase due to reading that paragraph.

Let's not forgot that today is Talk Like A Pirate Day. I haven't tried it out yet on any vendors, but I suspect I'll be tired of talking to them by the end of the day, so it could get interesting.

UPDATE: Today has also been one year since I started this.

Seriously Now...

How many Bears fans actually thought they would be getting free furniture?

In other news: I went to a little festival this past weekend, only to discover there are dogs that will wear visors and goggles.

Brown County - continued

So back at the nature center, we were given the opportunity to see a bat that had been injured. It turns out the bat was a natural showman, pretending to want to bite the volunteer's fingers and constantly "asking" for more food (read: mealworms). It was a pretty neat presentation. Also, I don't wish to brag, but when she asked how old the oldest fossils of modern bats were, I guess it right - 50 million. Yep, I don't want to brag, but I guess you're reading the ponderings of a stinkin' genius.

Our adventure continued outside of the state park and into a small town called Nashville. It might not have been as flashy as the version in Tennessee, but it was fun nonetheless. There were art vendors, caramel apples, fudge shops, and some nice hometown restaurants. There was even a little alleyway with a marionette stage in it. Pretty impressive. After that, it was getting late and it was decided that back home would be the next destination. And that's pretty much the entire trip, excluding the tornado dodging that was done in driving back from there.

Don't forget that this upcoming month, I'll be celebrating ONE YEAR of having this blog. Be sure to buy me cake.

The Brown County Experience

Welcome back, loyal readers! I was on hiatus from work yesterday to take some much needed time to explore the sights of southern Indiana...south to me, anyway. Destination: Brown County.

The first stop was a winery. It was a rather nice place where one could sample many different types of wine. The only downside, from my perspective, is that I did not see people in bare feet stomping on the grapes.

The next stop was the Brown County State Park. It seemed to be pretty large and the roads seem to wind through it forever. It is also possible that I got stuck in a spatial vortext, which would probably explain the wild turkeys that ran out in front of my car. From here, we went on a small trail which led to an overlook which could also reinforce the notion of the spatial vortex, because I think we wound up on Mt. Everest.

From there, we moved on to a nature center, which also had several trails to follow nearby. The nature center itself was a collection of snakes, turtles, and stuffed animals. I should also warn you: there was a little notepad for anyone to write down what they thought should be the state animal. I just looked and saw that according to www.stateanimals.com, Indiana appears to have no entry, but the exhibit said it was the bison. Anyway, someone had wrote down the new state animal should be Nina from Napoleon Dynamite.

Next, we took one of the trails that had been labeled "easy". This, of course, was established in the 1800's, where easy simply meant you didn't have to wrestle an Indiana bison barehanded in the middle of the trail. Now, it seems like an awfully long trail to use. It was pretty nice, regardless of ending up in M0ntana by the end (okay, that's an exaggeration).

There were many other times and experiences had while out there, but I'll have to write about those at a later time. Fare ye well, dedicated readers who donate money to this blog.

Radio Thing Update

Just yesterday, I was driving around and said something referencing Golden Earring's "Radar Love". Just as I did that, the song came on the radio! There was a witness who can vouch for this, in case you were in doubt.

Also, I think I found something worse than receiving a phone call during a relaxing lunch break - getting an unexpected visit from a vendor. FUN!!

Save the Planet!

Pluto, that is.

My Radio Thing

I've decided to use this entry to inform readers about a gift I've been hiding all this time. Very few people know of it, but I have a gift that may seem borderline magical. I admit, I haven't searched into this much, but if forced to give this a name, I'd call it "my radio thing".

The idea is simple enough. A couple of times, I'll be thinking of a song or singing a song. Then I'll turn on the radio. The song will be playing! But here's some more specific examples.

*Once, my brother told me about this SNL skit that I hadn't seen before. Now I know it well, but it was the one with Christopher Walken saying that more cowbells were needed while performing Don't Fear the Reaper. The very next time I hear that song, the DJ accidentally (or not) cuts into the song and starts saying "We need more cowbells!" Perhaps if the episode had just played, but this was four or five years after the episode made its initial run. Not convinced?

*I asked the same brother if he had heard this old White Zombie song being played on the radio recently. He said he had heard it once or twice over the span of a long time. But after I asked him that, he said he heard it many more times over the span of about a week. Still not convinced?

*One day, I mentioned in an e-mail to my girlfriend that I had been looking up the lyrics to Led Zeppelin's "Hey Hey, what can I do". That same day, I hear the song being performed by Hootie and the Blowfish.

Okay, if those haven't convinced you, then nothing probably will. This has happened a lot more than these times. Yeah, they're not played infrequently and, yeah, I'm not hearing White Zombie on the local oldies station. But still...

Fine, don't believe it then...I don't, myself. Just don't blame me that when you go home, you're going to hear:

Boston: More than a Feeling

Maybe the wait would have been more interesting with the 3D glasses?

This past weekend, I made the pilgrimage to Cedar Point. It was rather warm, which changed around the normal line lengths for the rides. Take Disaster Transport for instance. Normally, a very short wait in line for a solidly mediocre ride. In fact, one of the features listed here is that the "Queuing area is in blacklight with fluorescent paint creating a 3-D effect. 3-D glasses are available for purchase." When one of the features involves the waiting line, it's probably not too impressive, right? And the normal 10-15 minute wait verifies that. But throw in the fact that it's indoors and there's air conditioning while waiting, and all of a sudden, that balloons into a posted 1 1/4 hour wait (although actual recorded time was somewhere around 50 minutes).

I also fell victim to one of the "carnie" games, specifically one involving shooting 12 shots at various points outside a three-point line. Like all carnival games, though, it was rigged - I actually had to shoot the ball. That and I believe the rim might have been at the height used in the Indonesian Leagues, which is 297 cm, equating to 9.744065 feet. The rim may have even been at the standards of various South American tribes; the only way to get the ball through it is by using black magic (involving deflating the ball).

All in all, it was a great experience...as usual.

Closure, Oprah Style

This past week, I received a letter in the mail from a certain cereal company. This cereal company informed me that they had verified that the foreign object in my cereal was indeed a "stone or rock", and that they hoped they realized they meant no harm. And just to let me know, they gave me more coupons! I suppose there won't be any more coming my way, but what a ride this was.

Danger Where You'd Least Expect It

I remember when the worst worry I had about this place was getting a static electric shock from the rails...

Big thanks to Becky for keeping me afloat on vital news.

This is United States calling, are we reaching...

I like maps. To be more specific, I like atlases. I especially enjoy looking at the city populations and comparing them to each other. Okay, so maybe that doesn't sound like EVERYBODY'S fun time, but it is to me.

So one might think I'd be excited about participating in an NSF funded census about recent college graduates. Well, I was...but I procrastinate sometimes. So finally, a few months after the initial packet, after reminder after reminder had been sent, I finally filled it out and sent it back.

A few days later, my sister-in-law gets a call from the U.S. Census Bureau asking if she could have me call them. I call them to find that they were just wondering if I had gotten my packet in the mail, because they thought maybe it had gone to the wrong address (actually, it DID go to my former residence). I told them I had already sent it, but it probably hadn't arrived yet.

I still like the census...but it seems like they have some self-esteem issues. I wonder if they wait by the phone, and then wonder if they just missed my call when they were home.

Cereal Stowaway Update

I recently received a packet from a certain breakfast cereal manufacturer which contained an envelope to return the "sample", mentioned in the previous entry, in, along with some nice coupons for more cereal, hopefully minus rocks.

The Dangers of Breakfast

Early last week, I had myself a bowl of cereal. You might think that's not very exciting, and it shouldn't have been. But as luck would have it, it was quite a breakfast. I won't name the cereal in question directly, but I will show a censored image of it.

Fig. 1: A censored image of the grief-causing cereal
(NOTE: not the actual one)

As I was eating this so-called "cereal", I began chewing on something very hard. It was a rock. Now I don't have an actual picture of the rock, and my last intent is to exaggerate how this essentially ruined my breakfast that morning and, for the most part, my life. I have attempted to reach someone about my concerns of what was in one of those "two scoops", but I have yet to hear back from anyone.

This incident truly was the rock in the raisin br...er, "cereal" of life.

Independence Day

Happy Fourth of July Weekend! This is the time when we celebrate our independence from taxation without representation as we are now fully represented with our taxes...sort of. I think it's also noteworthy that we could probably still defeat them, simply with the Class C "consumer" fireworks which will be lit off this weekend.

Bad Pizza!

I have a terrible secret at work. I'm normally known as the messy one here, so when my desk looks clean, everybody takes notice. It looks clean right now. In fact, it's looked relatively clean for a week or so. There's a reason for that. The file cabinet to my immediate left may look innocent, but buried inside is the truth. The top drawer looks pretty organized, with hanging folders and all.

[Blogger's note: I also have a personal filing cabinet at home. I suggest to anyone else considering doing the same: do NOT make a Miscellaneous folder unless you want that one to grow larger and larger until it begins demanding papers to eat on a regular basis]

But the bottom drawer - ha, you caught me! - is where various papers that cluttered my desk disappear to. Not even to any particular folder. They are just shoved in there without a second thought. The entire drawer is my "miscellaneous" folder. I suppose one day, I'll have to clean it out. Just not today...

I also found out that bad pizza really does exist. When I first saw dirt cheap pizza on sale at the store, I thought I was getting a huge bargain. It even had TWO pizzas with it. So finally I baked it up last evening...and I ate some of the most incredibly bland and tasteless pizza that ever existed. It had plenty of toppings, but I think they were just the same material molded into different shapes.

Worst of all, I had anticipated not eating all the pizza last evening and just packing it with my lunch today. I had not anticipated not liking it. I gave in to my laziness this morning and took the leftovers anyway. It still wasn't good. There are still some leftovers. And there might be just enough room in my bottom drawer here...

Spanish button of the day:

The Weinerdog Nationals

This past weekend, I was a lucky spectator of a local Germanfest tradition - the Weinerdog Nationals. As a former runner, I thought I had seen it all - but nothing can truly prepare you for racing Dachshunds (literal German translation: Dog which hunts McDonald's cheeseburgers). The main reason for that most of the dogs have no clue what they are doing and, therefore, it is not uncommon to see dogs going in the wrong directions, barking at the crowd, and dogs that never even venture out from the starting line. Once in a while, a dog finishes a race.

I believe it would be safe to say that this was a fulfilling weekend.

Smokin' in the temperature chamber room...

The past couple of days, I have had the utterly enjoyable experience of testing a particular product here. Required to run for many hours on end, we've been running it in an isolated temperature chamber for the past couple of days. That is until someone noted to me that it had stopped functioning.
So I went back to the temperature chamber and turned on the light. The only problem was the light didn't turn on. I went to get a co-worker and ask them what they thought, and they realized that it wasn't the light that was malfunctioning, it was that a large, thick cloud of soot had obscured the light! We opened the chamber and out came a large, billowing cloud of smoke. We had to turn on the fan and open some doors. I wonder if the device still works?
As a side note, I couldn't help but notice that the door I was opening up had a "NO SMOKING" sign on it. Hehe, I love the irony...or I would if it didn't mean more work for me!

Welcome to June

I'll just let Mona Lisa do the talking for me today.

READ ASAP!

While trying to write this, I was trying to decide what the most important concept I should try to get across is. The latest corruption scandals in Washington? The constant international bickering? Or the fact that rabbits re-inacting movies is a fantastic concept? Guess which one I picked...

I vote we make today National Donut Day

A while back, I had allowed myself to be a guinea pig for the ages and taste tested some potential vending machine food. The results were mixed, which was much better than I had anticipated. Today, however, we were given more free stuff. This time, it was a co-worker that had decided to bring some coffee and donuts in. As anticipated, I grabbed a donut. But I also grabbed a coffee, which is an alien beverage to me. Even others who were regular coffee drinkers were talking about how strong it was.

For me, it tasted like someone accidentally left the filter off the coffee machine. No amount of sugar or cream could have made that drink go down any easier. I didn't even get a full cup and I couldn't make it through the entire way. In all this somber news, there is some good news to report: the donut was fantastic and there are a few more left.

In other news...well, I guess this doesn't exactly qualify.

And in shocking news...well, this isn't applicable either.

Okay, I can't help but look at what I wrote and see that I'm slacking

So last Friday, I had the fortunate of going to the dentist and watching pieces of a tooth go up in smoke as they drilled at it. Yep, it was the absolute fun of a FILLING! I now refuse the temptations of candy and even donuts while at work. Krispy Kreme ones, in fact (at least today). The point is that apparently dentists can make up for an incredible lack of willpower. Okay, maybe I just wrote this stuff so it didn't look like all I could come up with was a link.

Speaking of which, look what the geniuses at DARPA have come up with. I think there may be a lot of people out there saying "Well, if I would have known there was a market for something like that, I could have designed that." Oh, well.

And I would have to concur with this.

Did you ever wish...

That you could play guitar at work? Well, I think you'd better check this out.

I think I find phone calls funnier than I should

Once again, the phone has caused another issue [Blogger's note: excuse me, my phone just rang...okay, back now] to come to my attention. Today, I had to call a PCB manufacturing place to see if they could undercut our current manufacturer to save money. Anyway, after they answered, I explained that I was waiting for a quote. To which they asked me to hold on a sec. I wasn't put on hold or transferred - instead, the phone was simply put down. When the next person answered, I had to explain my situation again. Now I can understand why the info wouldn't be relayed when the call is transferred, but why not in this situation?

My theory is that we would end up with a situation like the old telephone game. I would call for my PCB quote status, it would get passed around a few times, and pretty soon the CEO is on the phone not-so-calmly asking how I knew about his top-secret idea for deodorant geared towards skunks. I would then have to explain that all I wanted was a quote for PCBs.

Afterwards, I would have to cross deodorant geared towards skunks off my ideas for patents.

Caution: This blog has ripples

Yesterday, I had realized the time had come for me to go grocery shopping. It usually coincides with when I am hungry for something I don't have at the apartment. While I was there, I made a unbelievable discovery. Grocery shopping isn't geared toward males. I didn't realize this until I was getting ready to get the toilet paper. The three major brands had: a cartoon bear mascot, a puppy mascot, and one even claimed to have "ripples". I'm not sure why someone wants ripples on their toilet paper, but I knew that I didn't. And I don't even consider the off-brand, since their texture is approximately that of a newspaper and the thickness utilizes the latest breakthroughs in nanotechnology. So I ended up going with the puppy brand. I think grocery stores need to stock data sheets for all their products so I can do some real comparative shopping.

And a big thanks to all the people who didn't call me during lunch. That would be the entire earth's population minus one. Thank you all!

Mwahahaha! Today, Allen County...tomorrow, DeKalb County!

Well, the primaries have come and gone. Here, they went very well. I think. The big issue around these parts is a unigov approach, in which the large (okay, medium size...okay, smaller end of medium sized) city in a county consolidates some resources with the county. There is widespread belief that this will lead to a virtual annexation. Proponents, however, say their efforts aren't like that...and then quickly change the subject to socks.
So while those of us in northeast Indiana have had to deal with that, there are some who had far more interesting elections.

Also, if you're not familiar with the daily adventures of Pig and Rat...I can only wonder about the state of your sense of humor.

Are you ready?

Ich will ein weinerhund kaufen.

http://www.germanfest.org/ev7_sat.htm

I thought he was just going to sing "Instant Karma"

Perhaps you have heard about the "seance" held with John Lennon recently on pay-per-view television. My disclaimer right from the get-go is that I don't buy into this stuff. The reason is pretty simple. Among them, whenever I have seen/heard these things, they usually with another person. I've heard that the best of these are really very skilled at reading subtle messages given by the living interviewee. So one of these usually ends up like this:

Madame Wienerschnitzel: Do you own a house?
Unsuspecting Customer: Why, yes, I do!
Madame Wienerschnitzel: Udish, your Mesopotamian ancestor, told me so.
[now makes careful judgments about consequence of owning a house]
Madame Wienerschnitzel: Udish also says your house...has a front door?
Unsuspecting Customer: [brief pause]...yeah, I think it does!
Madame Wienerschnitzel: He also says...now this is interesting, that your social security number has nine digits?
Unsuspecting Doofus: Yeah! It's [removed from transcript]!
Madame Wienerschnitzel: He finally says to not check your credit report for a few years.

Anyway, I believe it took quite an effort to come up with something John Lennon might say...and sure enough, it was.

I will rebuild this blog ONE ENTRY LONGER!

What?!? That is SO surprising!

In other news, this is strange. But I just wonder - what could one possibly use that paperclip for?

Finally, for those who may have gone to Purdue, you probably remember our issues with squirrels. They ran wild on campus, mugging people and causing general chaos. There was even that one incident with the group of squirrels who took over a bulldozer from one of the many constructions sites and, long story short, it was a good thing I learned sinusoidal steady-state response from EE 201 (wow, Prof. Tan still teaches it) or else Heavilon Hall would need to be rebuilt another brick higher.

Anyway, I'm rambling. Kind of like that one time in central Austria when...oh...right. Anyway, I present to you this.

Cows are awesome

I think this speaks for itself.

In other news, I have parted ways with my old Chevy Beretta. *SIGH*, it seems like only yesterday, it left me stranded in a left-turn lane on the way to work. In more late-breaking news, there is a refrigerator near my cubicle, and I have no idea why.

It must be re-runs for the news

Because I'm pretty sure I've seen this before.

Oh, how I wish for free-range engineering!

As I was getting ready to type this blog, I realized something. I don't feel like I have much to type about. That's not to say that nothing goes on here at work that's funny; it's just that it's all been said before. The vending machine that is supposed to vend an orange drink gives you lemonade while the vending machine which should have the lemonade has none to offer. The new and improved water cooler still tastes the same as the old water cooler, although I was asked many times how I thought they compared. I still talk to people on the phone about as well as a moderately-trained chimpanzee. And yet, it just seems normal now. I have come to realize that I am now desensitized from all the things which I used to think were so bizarre.

On the plus side, a lamp we've made can survive -50°F, in case someone needs to go rescue some Emperor penguins or something.

Also, I'd like to mention that I'm changing my name (again). Thanks to Becky for finding me a good new name.

Fun with legal departments

Nine-year-old Shea will likely not be a lawyer when she grows up.

Help Wanted

Position: Babysitter
Location: Capitol Hill

(I bet you were expecting something totally different)

Position: Athlete
Location: In front of a computer

Key quote: "...any competition is a sport."

Move over, Teddy Ruxpin

The real engineering feat would be to get these to NOT seem so disturbing.

I hope you have FLASH!

You'll need it here

Bad Omens in Project Design

Recently, I've been designing as part of a project we've been taking on here at work. While it took a couple tries and retries to get things how I wanted them, I felt that I had a circuit that would accomplish just what I needed it to. That was until I started going to fetch more detailed information on components used. The information itself was good; it was in retrieving it that I began to have second thoughts.

For instance, I am using a certain chip in this design. While contacting the company for information, they couldn't find anyone who knew anything about this chip.

Then while getting my information, we had the following (paraphrased) exchange:

Me: I'm engineer at [my company name here].
Her: Is that in [city that is identical to my company name], California?
Me: [silence]..um, no, it's in [city whose name in no way resembles company name], Indiana.
Her: [laughter]

I was given a number for another branch somewhere else, and told they could help me. Well, they couldn't either, but they had a number for someone who could. After giving me a number with no area code, I asked what the area code was. Confused, she asked me where I was from; apparently, she figured I was a local customer.

Lastly, I had to get a mechanical component for this as well, which brought about this (also paraphrased) exchange:

Me: I'll need [a relatively large number] per year.
Him: [silence]...Really?

Well, it's been real. Now time to finish up [haha] those pesky taxes!

So wait - it's spring behind, right?

Dr. Jing Kang or Dr. Gene Splicer...

I AM hungry for taquitos

Welcome back, readers. As per your request, I am here to give you the latest breaking important news that you'll ever need to know. Here are some things that may affect your view of the world and force you to look deep inside yourself and ask "Am I hungry for taquitos?"

World Politics: Once again, the Russians are up to no good. Well, at least their president. Putin, how could you?!?

U.S. Science: Once again, scientists are making headway in the making-water-go-uphill race. I hear Russia is fuming they didn't find it first.

What have things come to?

Giving fake police officers a bad reputation.

Ever recall playing a game with siblings or friends and, even though there was nothing really at stake, some of them got a little too into it? Good thing they eventually grow up...some of them, anyway. This probably comes as no surprise to people who play basketball at the local YMCA.

Life imitates Art

Only to Charlie Brown would this happen. (Seriously, though, hope this guy gets better...)

Watch me as I throw caution into the wind...there it went.

Look at this story! Isn't that unbelievable?!? Whew, I'm glad I live in a country where nothing like that happens! (Okay, so I suspect everybody sees the differences in these, but still...)

The Vernal Equinox

Welcome to spring

My last entry was more interesting than this

In my pursuit of information on just what happened with Radio Free Colorado, I found that a rumor was abound that the station was broadcasting under an alias; 90.3 FM Capetown, ZA. Plus, on one messageboard Gary's, uh, lawyer (who, not to imply anything, wrote a lot like Gary himself) gave a link to Radio Free Colorado's shoutcast status, which also linked to the new station. Bottom line, this station does play music very nearly resembling the old RFC, but I haven't heard any rants yet...
Yep, that's about how interesting this day has been.

The upcoming invasion

That's right, we are undergoing an invasion. I just took a look up at the fluorescent light above me - only to see outlines of two of those fake-ladybug bugs. While a student at Purdue, it wasn't unusual to see the fixtures filled with them, not to mention haven't to throw them off keyboards and personal items daily. I haven't seen an outbreak for several years, and I was hoping I wouldn't have to endure another one again.
However, this doesn't look promising. Obviously, these two were sent to scout out the location. And I'll bet the location looks great (which, it would seem, is ALWAYS what the scouts report). I'll keep you updated, but I felt I had to write this down in case I am not able to in the future (because I'll have 50 bazillion ladybugs on my keyboard).
In other news, this guy is a moron.

Naptown

Welcome back to another entry in your favorite blog. This past weekend, I made a short trip to Indianapolis, where many Big Ten schools were prepping up for tournament games. Purdue, on the other hand, was scouring NCAA rules to find out if they, perhaps, could be rescued by an Air Bud-like animal. All dogs asked thus far, though, have turned them down. An opposum has been said to be interested, however.
But back to the trip at hand. It should be noted that for the first time in many months, this wasn't a trip for testing another prototype. Instead, I went just for the sake of going somewhere. Well, that's not entirely true - I wanted to get an NCAA Final Four t-shirt. Okay, so I didn't go to any games, but as if that matters. If anybody asks, I could always say I went to the play-in game (as Dick Vitale would probably say, the real championship game might be in the play-in game).
Finally, did you know that Google has a large-scale map in which you have the ability to zoom in and zoom out? I was even able to find my house! Here it is.
And I don't know what news you've read lately, but I'll bet you that you haven't read anything this weird in a while...

And finally, the GERMAN phrase of the day:
German: Helligkeits-Gruppierungsschema
English: Brightness Groups
(Thanks to an LED datasheet)

Until next time...

Free of Radio Free Colorado

Perhaps you missed the big news about Microsoft? The anti-trust suits? No, that's not what I'm talking about. The susceptibility to viruses, worms, and (likely) bagels? Hardly news. Nope, there's some big news that didn't make the front page, back page, and really didn't show up anywhere since people weren't talking about it. However, I was able to find the HUGE news that you were looking for.

It's finally here. What, you don't care? Well, okay then.

Maybe you were looking for this instead? That's right, this search engine will revolutionize everything because you now no longer have to look at freaky characters during the olympics.

Finally, I have to announce my former favorite radio station, Radio Free Colorado, mysteriously went off the air. Rumors and conspiracy theories abound, it seems that Gary may have indeed had some problems...

I'm glad my nuclear engineering class wasn't taught by this guy...

My alma mater's in the news again.

UAE? Is that where they make iPods?

I think many of those who know me and read this blog remember the good ol' days of Channel One. To be honest, I don't remember that much about it. I do remember they had the Beastie Boys on it once, but that's about it. But if I did remember anything about it, it appears likely it wouldn't be worthwhile.

It's a shame students just remember the ads, because they should be paying attention to worthwhile stories.

This is a great title

You know what makes the cold weather here feel even colder? When comparing it to this and finding that the outlook of both are similar. (blogger's note: actually, those living there are probably wearing short and playing beach volleyball since it's summertime for them)

Also, I have a problem with this game. Rodents? I think not! They're lagamorphs!

That is all...by the way, can you tell I broke out my HTML book? Good stuff!

Addendum: I have tried to get a sprite out of a vending machine, but here's the challenge: it refuses to take any dimes, the price is 60 cents and it is complaining that I need exact change (although the light doesn't indicate that). I guess that means I'll have to fish out nickels or give up. Eh, sprite doesn't sound so good anyway...

Why I don't understand the English...

Their dating scene is pretty bizarre.

In a week, you'll find out what this is...and you probably still won't care...

Tuesday Fat

First it was Mr. Belvedere to get the axe; now it's Jeeves.

I suspect now that Jeeve's answers will be quite different than they originally were.

The question "Why did you get fired?" would likely have returned answers in the form of links on how to handle getting fired. Now he's not so indirect:

"It was complete garbage. They didn't even give me any notice!"

In other news concerning search engine scandals involving their fictional cartoon characters, Google's characters were stripped of their medals after the IOC ruled that participants must be human and not bizarre ice and snow characters.

Conversation overheard in New Orleans:

"Gimme some beads!"
"Bees?"
"BEADS!"

Chickens and monkeys and Prince...oh, my!

Here it is, another lunch break and very little news to report. I did however, come across one article you probably don't want to read: http://money.cnn.com/2006/02/24/news/companies/citi_fortune/index.htm?cnn=yes

In fact, I found it to be pretty dull myself. So perhaps you're wondering: how did I end up there - why'd I even click on it? The answer is simple: the link on CNN's homepage was labeled "Prince's Purple Reign at Citigroup." To which I responded "Whaaaaa....?" and clicked on the link. It wasn't as interesting as I thought it would be, but it was much saner too.

Luckily, there were plenty of things which were NOT saner than what I had originally planned. For instance:

Cluuuuuuck..........Cluuuuuuuuuuuuck............Cluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. I hear if you play Geico commercials backwards it says "We buried the gecko....We buried the gecko." And if you play Led Zeppelin during GM commercials - wait, they already did that...

Most important text message you could ever send on a phone:
"The razor-toothed piranhas of the genera Serrasalmus and Pygocentrus are the most ferocious freshwater fish in the world. In reality they seldom attack a human."

The most important message you can find from me. That is all in this Friday edition...

Hopefully ice cream cake isn't on the restricted list

Maybe this could help me stay away from donuts. Not to mention at least 50 feet away from anything called a "Super Steer".

At least I didn't eat the "Super Steer" burger...

Ah, the joys of free stuff. Today, we received word that a company would be bringing in sandwiches. No doubt, I thought, another salesperson wanting to remind us that they are our best option, whether it be automotive connectors or clown suits. I was on the right track, but where I wrong made all the difference. They were indeed salespeople. However, they sell those vending machines with iffy-looking sandwiches and other iffy-looking delights.

But I, not wanting to back down from challenges or free stuff, decided to eat and report. Here's what the menu consisted of today:

1. Mrs. Smith's strawberry cream cheese pie
2. Something that resembled a sub sandwich

Results:
The Mrs. Smith's pie wasn't too bad. It wasn't the greatest thing in the whole world, but it bore a striking similarity to a real piece of pie.

The sub sandwich was a little different. First of all, I found out after two bites that the lettuce and tomato were going to have to exit the sandwich immediately. Secondly, I thought I put mayo on my sandwich. I didn't. Instead, I used "Miracle Whip", mayo's evil cousin. Honestly, the sandwich wasn't so great anyway. I recommend you do what you've probably done your whole life - assume that they're probably not so great.

I'm glad to be a fountain of knowledge - I would eat a sandwich out of a vending machine to inform you readers out there.

Until I think of something else pointless to write about....

Maybe they'll play "Breakfast in America" for the USA!

In watching the XXCMVIAQQQ Olympiad this past week, I've noticed something about the soundtrack. When the athletes were coming into the stadium during the opening ceremonies, they were playing English-language music. I don't recall hearing any song in another language while watching. Then, last night, I was watching some indoor event (I think it was speedskating), and during a lull in competition, they were playing Queen. Now one might think that they might play a variety of music given the diverse backgrounds of participants and spectators. Perhaps, though, the Olympics are a way to demonstrate the superiority of the English language. In that vein, I have the following suggestion: when a nation wins, instead of its nation anthem playing (which I, as an English speaker, don't even know!), we should play an English-language song which references the country the winning athlete represents.

For starters, we could use:
Russia - "Back in the USSR"
(USSR and Russia - they're the same, right?)

Japan - "Woman from Tokyo"
(for that matter, all Godzilla movies should be dubbed with this song)

"Kashmir" will be performed for India, Pakistan and China.

And all Spanish-speaking countries will have English-language songs performed by Enrique Iglesias.

[blogger's note: okay, a bit over the top in sarcasm]

Enjoy the rest of the Olympics. And a Whippet escaped from the dog show from the other day; I would almost expect to see him in "true" competition - skiing through some rough moguls!

And now for a sports update...

The competition in the past couple days has truly been an inspiration. I, of course, am referring to the instance in which the underdog, not favored by any, pulls off an upset in the face of stiff competition. The name Rufus will forever resonate with those who don't feel like they have a chance.

Okay, so there have been some "other" competitions, but I'm not sure if I want to watch games which are affiliated with these two. [blogger's note: okay, so I watch the games, but I would like to know who came up with an ice cube and a snowball?]

Back to the real sport at hand, it seems that now there's an excellent way to tell what your dog is thinking: http://msnbc.msn.com/id/11318440/. Important to remember: you can always tell how well your dog will do by the amount of white light surrounding it. Yellow light is NOT good. Fluorescent light probably wouldn't work either.

Good thing she doesn't tell the owners who's going to win because that would really spoil their moment of glory. I think I could do her job, though. For instance, I bet I can tell what this dog is thinking: What the heck was Bode Miller thinking?!?

Valentine's Day

Yep, it's the mushiest holiday of the year again. Nope, Lincoln's Birthday was Sunday. It's Valentine's Day! In case you are looking for some last-minute ideas, here are some quality ones that you could give a try:

Tiddlywinks - I think these might have been the ancestor of pogs. These were most fun to aim at younger siblings. The best way to express yourself? I might have thought this was it until...

Matching Plastic Surgery - Truly a thoughtful gift. If you just need a way to say "I would love you more if you just weren't so dang ugly", this is it!

[Thanks to Becky for sending me this...I should also probably mention that she also labeled it as a terrible gift. But if you think that this could work in your situation, by all means!]

I'm not sure if there are other good gifts out there, but let me know if there are!

This probably wouldn't work with the Ninja Turtles

Ken has decided to give Barbie's superficial looks a run for its money.

Even Puppy Bowl was better than this:

I now have proof that medical workers are indeed a different breed of people.

'The Super Bowl' Or 'How I spent Waitangi Eve'

I am aware that by doing my engineering duty and going to another testing lab yesterday, I was unable to give you the immediate news coverage you surely deserve. Fret not, for I am back.

Surely you spent Sunday watching the Super Bowl, right? If not, I was given a sampling of what television could have been like Sunday night in absence of that. You see, I had decided that if the Colts or the Chargers or the Bears couldn't make it to the Super Bowl, then maybe I could take a gander at something else on TV.

Oh my, what a mistake that was. Luckily, I did it when nothing else worthwhile was actually on, but still. I decided that maybe the puppy bowl would be worth a watch. Allow me to sum up the scientific results in two words (thanks to the magic of contractions): It wasn't. It would have been easy to make this something that I would like - all they had to do was make a point to it. There wasn't. And if that wasn't bad enough, they made it very disturbing by having some "referee" come out and call fouls on dogs which answered the call of nature within their mini doggy stadium.

Learn from my mistakes, lest you repeat them yourselves.

State of the Union Address

For those of you who aren't fortunate enough to have cable (this blogger is one of those), you may have noticed your options were rather limited last night. It seems that our president of the US of A had an update to give us. For those who weren't around to see it, here's my personal transcipt of the event:

PGWB: "I..."
[standing ovation from the Republican side...Democratic side sitting and clapping sparsely...Bush pauses for 12.2 minutes]

PGWB: "bipartisan..."
[standing ovation from both sides; also this blogger thinks that House Majority Whip Roy Blunt, R-Mo. may have thrown a paper ball (with no doubt the latest bill written on it) at House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif.]

Okay, so this is pretty much it went for the next hour. The synopsis was: he'll get the cafeteria to serve more chicken nuggets and less meatloaf; and the principal will always have to come to school in a clown suit. Or something like that.

More interestingly, there was a rebuttal afterwards. It was given by this man.

And he went about reciting the statement that included all key words and phrases that must be engraved in marble somewhere in the national Democratic headquarters.

Whoops! It seems a mistake was made in the picture given. It was actually this man.

[Blogger's note: It was an honest mistake!]

Oddly enough, I did not see the Whig party's rebuttal to the SOTU after the Democrats'. I hope this post was informative and kept you up-to-date on current events.

Interesting

Sometimes you can tell a lot with page titles.

Pacers

Why look at the dismal box scores when the stories are so much more interesting.

Penguins are great

NEWS UPDATES:

In light of recent events, the James Bond series will be discontinued. Instead, they will now highlight the adventure of their new agent.

I also found this interesting article. It pretty much says how cool college is and that penguins are the greatest animals ever.

FAQs

Today I'd just like to field some frequently asked questions I get on a regular basis:

Q: Are you really an engineer?
A: Why would I put 'engineer' in my title if I didn't really wear that "scarlet letter".

Q: Does this article refer to "Tobias" of Arrested Development fame?
A: No. "Arrested Development" and "fame" do not belong in the same sentence. Also, the guy's not really Tobias, either.

Q: Are these people serious?
A: I cannot comment on that, as a past experience has utterly scarred me from ever joking around about this subject again.

Q: Are these real questions you've actually gotten before?
A: If they are, they were probably in a self-addressed e-mail.

If you have any questions about this blog, feel free to put them in the comments section!

Trekkies are scary

...according to a news article that you probably don't want to read.

And a website that I should have thought of. That is all - get back to work.

This IS the most ethical blog you will ever read

Competent? Ha! That's my middle name. Unfortunately, my first name is "In". As you may know, I recently went to a hotel (if you don't know, it's back a few entries). In this hotel, I joked about how they charge customers for towels that are missing when they leave; likely to deter those that want to steal them. So the humor of the situation eventually waned, and I moved on. However, a few days ago I was doing laundry, and what to my wondering eyes should appear - but a towel from the hotel! Those that don't know me (in that case, why are you reading this blog) are problably wondering how that happened. Those who do know me (hey, how's it going?) are likely to think that I've struck again.

I also learned this morning that a flash disk can survive both a washer and dryer.

In news you probably missed on purpose: finally, a good clean political race. It is fortunate that the winner will be the one that didn't lie about their position. [blogger's note: isn't it interesting how allies can all of a sudden become rivals when opportunity knocks - in the world of politics, anyway]

And finally, I just have to say it figures.

Good day to all of you. For the record, my new calendar has informed me that Led Zeppelin was released 37 years ago. It's nice to have little factoids to distract myself from the actual work-related deadlines on my calendar.

All the news that's fit to...eh, who am I kidding, I just found these in 5 minutes...

I don't have much time, but I'd like to give you the rundown on some of the latest news reports you probably didn't hear:

Once again, the government's tinkering around with people. Sure, laughter's a good medicine in small doses, but what happens when it becomes the next OxyContin? Huh? Then what? [Blogger's note: I'm going to assume nobody reading this blog has to worry about overdosing on laughter...]

And here's a bonafide, absolute Bad Idea. Maybe it was the same brilliant mind who engineered this statement.

Also, there's other news, something about some Alito guy (?), but it's probably nothing important.

Chicago Adventure, Part B

Wasn't that last entry just incredibly exciting? I thought so! And perhaps you thought that surely I've already gone through enough to warrant writing extensively about this trip in my blog. But no! There's still more to go.

When I was finally able to tear myself away from the rather tasty breakfast, I had to find my way to the testing facility. However, when I say facility, what I really mean is something more like a garage that's overcrowded with various electronic gizmos that I hope I never have to see again. The owner of the facility is the only guy who works there - and while nice, he was also rather quiet. There was also no music or other distractions, making this whole situation somewhat awkward.

Also, tests were failed, blah blah blah, that's not what you came to read.

So after two days of this excitement, it was time to leave. No bad traffic, I had left a little early. I'm sure I'm missing some great details in this trip, but one thing does stick out in my mind. Somewhere in boondocks, Indiana, I had to stop at a gas station (fyi, don't drink lots of fluids before long trips). I should have known this wasn't a good idea as I pulled in. When I went inside, nobody was at the register for a little a minute or so. Then all of a sudden, some kid that probably was all of 10 years old comes out to help me. Now what I needed didn't involve a monetary transation, but I'm rather curious to know what would have happened if I wanted to buy something that they'd need to be a certain age to sell. Anyway, I asked if the facilities were around, and apparently they were on the side. He said it should be unlocked; then he went back to whatever it is kids do when they're in charge of a gas station. When I went to the side to check the door, and it was actually locked. By then, I decided I didn't like this place so much and took off.

I should mention that by boondocks, I simply mean I didn't know where I was at and I probably won't return for a vacation stay. If there is a Boondocks, IN, then by no means am I trying to badmouth it. Although they should probably get their name changed. That has been all the Chicago trip memories that I can recall at the moment.

Chicago Adventure, Part I

I'm back from my "Big-City Adventure" (not to be confused with a likely title for an Olsen twins adventure). I was recently in the Chicago-area (read as: far outskirts which resembles Chicago about as much as Des Moines) to do some testing of equipment for work. Okay, now everybody who reads this page knows this isn't where I post my happy thoughts (although laughing about things does make me happy), so something must have happened in order for it to wind up here. You'd be close in thinking that. Instead, I found so many ridiculous things, I'm not sure it'll all fit in this entry.

The drive went well. I've heard terrible things about driving through Chicago, but I'll bet those people weren't driving through on a Sunday night. I finally get to my hotel, only to realize that it has indeed been a little while since I've been in a hotel. Apparently the biggest attraction in hotels is the showerhead. Even when I went down for my continental breakfast (which, incidentally, was better than most of my breakfasts here at home), there was a sign on the table which, again, mentioned the showerhead. That being said, it was pretty good.

Also, in what appears to be a transparent attempt to reduce stolen towels, they now declare the towels are on sale. If you simply grab one that was in the room, you have agreed to pay for it on your bill. How nice!

Lunch time appears to be over and I have only started on my adventure. To Be Continued...

Blog Status: Next entry close to almost about to be written

So you've decided to read this blog again? Well, I guess it's your mistak...er, choice. I recently ordered computer goodies from an online source, and now I find myself constantly checking my order's status. The memories of checking the mail everyday for something I ordered out of a cereal box have come flooding back. The worst part is, the status codes add even more tension. The current status is "Your package is about to be packaged and sealed." What?!? Have they done it yet?!? How'd it go?!? *Sigh* I think this could possibly be one of the most unrelatable blogs ever blogged.

Want to participate in the Superbowl? Well, you probably won't get the quarterback or tight end positions, but they're still looking for this one. But at least you'll get to play more than Terrell Owens, right?

Plus, if you do that, you'll likely get more accomplished than this group here. Wouldn't it be interesting to see corruption and scandal hit the prime-number project? Like "Wait a minute, that number is divisible by 67!!!" Instead, we have the same old song and dance. I wonder if the charities, also not wanting to be associated with Abramoff, donated it to a needy politician.

[Blogger's note: I have no idea what that last sentence means, nor do I take any responsibility for it].

[Blogger's update: My order is still on the very verge of being packaged and sealed!]

All this checking on my order is making me restless...maybe I should practice for my special cheer that you'll no doubt see Superbowl Sunday!

Year of the Engineer

Welcome to a new year! I suppose you're wondering: how will this blog, which has been a refuge of unfaltering commitment to you, change this upcoming year? Allow me to go over some changes that will be implemented this year:

*We will no longer be a refuge of unfaltering commitment to you. Instead, this blog will simply be a vehicle for me to get Cheez-Its as quickly as possible.

* When you look at the timestamp at the bottom, no longer will it indicate 2005. Instead, it has been renovated through months of codework, computer science research and studies, and Cheez-Its, to say "2006". Do not be alarmed.

I know these may be hard to get used to, but here are some things that you can still expect to continue this year:

* I'll still be an engineer.

* The pop machine here will still be out of lemonade.

Feel better? I thought so. Here's something else to be relieved about. In case you were worrying about your personal information being stolen from your computer because you played a Sony CD, you don't have to worry anymore. You are now entitled to $7.50 plus a free CD download!! But first, you have to admit you own that Celine Dion CD...

Spanish word: Bienvenido a 2006
English Translation: Welcome to 2008